Wednesday, January 23, 2019

All Bad Things Must Come To An End

She was gone, finally she was gone.  The dead woman who had tortured and terrorized our family for the past 8 years was no more.  However, there was one more thing we had to do.  An act of kindness which would prove difficult to stomach after all she had done to us.  We had to do a memorial for her at a place where she may had been buried prior to being moved to a cemetery near us.  That place was on the Southwest corner of our land.  Maybe she wasn't moved at all; maybe she was still under that huge oak tree;  maybe just a headstone was placed at the cemetery.  We will never truly know but what we did know was she was buried somewhere close to us.

The Reiki made it clear that the  memorial was something we must do to avoid any possibility of her coming back.  It would finally close the door to our suffering.  She told us we needed to do it that same evening, at sunset.  She said if she was still lingering she would be weak.  She would know that control had shifted to us.  So doing the memorial that evening would dash any hope she had of returning.

Still overwhelmed by what had just happened, the Reiki helped us with some calming and meditation exercises.  She wanted to give us some strength so we could do what we needed to done .   After she felt we were up to our next task, she was comfortable with leaving. 

"I feel you're ready now.  You're stronger than you were when I arrived.  This will be difficult emotionally for you, but it's the final step."  She said to us as we walked her to the door.

"Your next journey now begins.  The healing.  It will take time and just as much strength. You will have set backs, you may have visitors.  But you're more prepared than you were before.  Learn and understand your abilities. Don't shy away from them.  They're gifts you can use to protect yourself."  She went on to say.

"Heidi has a gift, a strong gift.  She needs to understand it & how to control it.  It can be a blessing or curse for her.  Work hard to make it a blessing."  She added as she opened her car door.

These words have been burned into my memory every since.

She never asked for money-not one dime.  Even when we asked her if we needed to pay her, she said no.  However, we insisted she take $100 for her time.  She took it, but was reluctant in doing so.

Sunset was coming and we were hurrying in putting a memorial service together.  We decided to keep it simple.  No heavy handed words would be spoken.  We would each say something but would keep short.

We went as a family carrying a candle, some flowers, and a pocket Bible.  It was a long walk to the spot but it felt like walk of freedom for us.  We all felt a sense of relief that this dark part of our lives was over.   We could finally be a happy and loving family again.  It had been a long time since we were one.

As we got the grave site, none of us said a word.   Heidi placed the flowers down near the headstone.  I placed the candle close to them.

"Can I light it Daddy?", Emi asked me.

"Of course."  I answered.

As Emi lite the candle, I begin to speak.  I told Etta that I hoped she was finally at peace.  I hoped that she found love, hope, and happiness.  Even though it was very difficult for me to say, I told her that I forgave her.

Jennifer, Heidi, and Emi all said something similar.  Each one of them ended with a word of forgiveness.

We finished by saying the Lord's Prayer.  That was it, we were done. 

The sun was setting as we made our way back to the house.  As I looked back, I could see the candle flickering rapidly.  Then, in an instant, it went out. 

I remembered thinking as I closed the gate to the Way Back pasture,  "Goodbye and good riddance Etta.  All bad things must come to an end."

Friday, January 4, 2019

Spiritual Confessions

Since Etta knew her time with us was nearly over, she was ready to talk.  An effort to cleanse her soul and to somehow try to justify all the things she had done.

At first she tried to speak to directly to everyone, however for some reason they couldn't hear her.  It upset her and she began to ramble; talking over herself again.  It was overwhelming me and causing a throbbing headache.

The Reiki notice my stress level rising.  When I told her what was happening. She spoke to Etta in a calm, reassuring voice.

"It's okay Etta, we all understand.  If you feel comfortable you can have Lance relay the messages.  You can speak your peace.  However before you do, I demand that you release Heidi.  Breaking any and ties you have on her as well as releasing any kind of claim you feel you have to her.  Do you understand?"  She said calmly.

"I understand" she whispered

At that point, she started telling everything she had done.  She said she was responsible for all of Heidi's aliments and issues.  She said she was jealous of her; her beauty, intelligence, and artistic talents.   Heidi was everything she wanted to be and she wanted the same attention for herself that I was showing Heidi.  She felt the only way to claim my attention was to divert it from her.  That meant trying kill her by any means possible.

Now, she understands that was wrong.  She was sorry that her actions caused Heidi to become frail and sickly.

"Please tell her that I am truly sorry for the pain I caused her. I beg for her forgiveness."  She said

She then began to speak about Emi.  She whispered that she was so sweet and innocent.  Even though she was jealous of the attention she got from me, she couldn't bring herself to harm her.  She tried being a friend to her and tried showing a side of herself that she hadn't shown to others.  However, she said she was sorry if she had scared her.

Her tone then changed to one filled with regret and sorrow as she begin to address Jennifer.

"I took the baby", she whispered, "I could not stand that you were with his child."

It was so difficult to tell Jennifer because had already been through so much.  Losing a child to miscarriage is heartbreaking but knowing someone else caused it just adds another heavy layer of heartache to it.  It was so painful to see her face as I told her what Etta had done.  She lowered her head and shook it slowly.  I could feel her emotional pain shoot through me like a cold wind.

Etta went on to say that she had caused all of Jennifer's other health problems;  unexplained weight gain, thinning hair, thyroid issues, failed gallbladder, depression, and all the other aliments.   Etta thought if she took her health it would cause me to leave.  If that failed, she felt the issues would kill her.  Either way, Etta would have me and that was her goal.

Etta went on to say she wanted everyone gone, only leaving me.  She said she was willing to do everything possible to terrorize, harm, destroy our family.   She mentioned she caused the mental breakdown issues with our oldest daughter, Londyn.  She said she terrorized Chloe and drove the divide between us.  Hoping Chloe would leave; runaway.

Her confessions gave us some closure and gave us answers to why we had all the issues.   She apologized repeatedly.

"I just wanted the joy of the family you had.  I thought if I had you, I could have that same joy."  She said to me and I relayed to the group.

She said she wrong to cause my pain and trying to drive me to suicide. It was selfish of her but she wanted the life that Jennifer and the girls had.  She wanted me to give her that life even it meant killing me to get it.

"Are you ready to go Etta?" the Reiki said softly.

There was a pause in the room.  No noise.  No words spoken.  finally Etta whispered, "will you pray for me?  will you remember me?"

"Of course we will", I told her.

"Do they forgive me?", she wanted to know.

We all told her we did and we just wanted her to be at peace.  We told her there would be loving family members waiting on her.

"Will he be there?  I fear him and do not feel safe." She insisted on knowing.

I could only assume that she was talking about the Hat Man.

"No, he won't follow you.  You'll be safe"

The Reiki opened her arms and asked Etta to come to her.  She told her it was time to go, time to move on.  She was forgiven and it meant she could leave.

"Goodbye.  You have a beautiful family please take care of the girls.  Raise them Christian."  I heard her saw as her voice begin to fade.

It was the last words I heard her speak.

The room brightened as the Sunlight beamed through the windows.  The Reiki took a deep breath and she rocked back in the chair.

The air in the room was clean and fresh.  It hadn't felt that way in very long time.

"She's gone" I said

"yes, she's gone." The Reiki said.

Our relief was overwhelming.   It was like having a 1,000 pound weight lifted off us.

The Reiki told us we had one more thing we needed to do.  We need to have memorial for her, a ceremony of sorts.  It would provide closure for her and more importantly, closure for us.  It would allow us to begin our long road to recovery.

The thought of having a memorial for Etta was difficult to stomach especially given everything that she had done.

It was the first true step on our journey to recovery.  Thankfully, we now had the map to get there but the road would be long and difficult navigate.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Coming Forward

The Reiki was scheduled for late in the afternoon.  The day had finally come for the crazy woman to move on to wherever she needed to go.  I was nervous and anxious;  counting the minutes until the appointment.

Everything we had done up to this point to protect ourselves seemed to be working.  The house was quieter, we felt more at ease, and the screaming had changed to a soft whimpering cry.  The end was near and she seemed to know it.

It was a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky.  The weather had been calm for nearly a week so we couldn't have timed the Reiki session any better.  We didn't talk about the Reiki coming while we were in the house.  Even though Etta knew she was coming, we didn't want her to know today was the day.

Although I was still angry at the crazy woman, I couldn't help but to feel slight empathy for her.  We knew that she died on the property but the circumstances surrounding her death were questionable.  Was she murdered?  Was it suicide? A tragic accident?  All Amy could tell us was that she felt her death was a mistake and that the true facts were covered up.  I couldn't help but imagine the pain and sorrow she must had felt.  However, none of this changed my true feelings toward her.  I wanted her gone and wanted her to stop slowly killing us.   Despite my empathy towards her, I felt no remorse sending her away by any means possible.


She was finally here!  For the first time ever, we felt that our nightmare was about to come to an end.

She paused as she entered the house.  "I feel souls here.  One who feels trapped, the other feels as if they're a prisoner."

"One is angry.  One is confused and scared.  They lash out.  One feels threatened by the other."  She added.

She wanted to get a sense of what was happening and who was there.  She asked if she could walk around the house in order to get a feel for the emotions it held.  She asked us not to guide her or give her information.   She didn't want anything to distract her.

"Who is this?  Why is she here?" Etta whispered in my ear.

"Are you trying to send me away?  I will not speak with her!" She added as we all made our way to living room.

The Reiki asked to sit facing north and took the rocking chair facing that direction.   She told she could feel the crazy woman here but she wouldn't speak to her.  She felt she was confused and angry.

She began to speak to her.  In a calming voice at first, then in a sterner tone.  She spoke as if she was in the room standing next to her. 

"I know you're hurting.  I know you think you find comfort here.   You need to come forward"  She said in a calming tone. 

Then her tone changed.  "You need to come forward.  You cannot stay here.  This is no longer where you live. It's just where you're from and it's time to move on."

I felt the tension and anxiety in the air.  The house started feeling heavy.   A sadness began to overcome me as I started to tune out what the Reiki was saying.  Etta was there, I could feel her next to me and felt a touch on my face.

"I am sorry." I heard her whisper.

She was listening to the Reiki and she was scared.  The realization that she knew she was going to leave was overwhelming to her.  She became emotional; full of fear.   It was the first time I really sensed her emotionally.  It became overwhelming to me as she was talking faster with a level of panic.

"Will he be there!?!"  She said. 

I told her I didn't know who she was talking about.  The Reiki responded that she was going to a place where no one would harm her.  She would be at peace.

"When did you die?  What happened?  I need to know so I can help you."  The Reiki asked.

She didn't know.  She didn't understand what had happened to her.  She had no concept of time.  She told me her days never ended.  She had no memory of days, weeks, or years.  Time didn't exist to her.  No past, no present, no future.

She tried to talk to the others in room but only I could hear her.

"Why can they not hear me!?!  She screamed at me.

"I don't know.  I don't know."  I fearfully said out loud to her.   "Talk to them through me, I'll tell them what you say."

Calmness came back into the room.  It was peaceful.   I felt her sitting next to me again.  She began to open up emotionally. 

She wanted to talk to us, tell us everything.   She wanted to explain.  What she had to say would finally answer questions about what we had been through. 

She wanted to confess; she wanted forgiveness.

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