What About Those Who Lived There Before you?

The comment below to our most recent blog entry really made me think.  

"It's interesting to realize you were always OPEN to the paranormal. I too had a few small things that happened to me in the past. Nothing big like seeing someone, like you. I had just heard my name called in my ear a couple of times, but it showed me, as I look back, that I was OPEN for the experience I had when I moved into the house I live in now that came with it's own ghost! Do you think people who have never had any experiences, don't believe in such things, are TOTALLY closed minded, would have any such experience with the paranormal if they weren't open to it? Could they have lived in your house or mine and NEVER seen or heard ANYTHING? Hmmm. Great post, Love reading everything you write!"

First, I have to says thanks for the compliment.  I do not consider myself a writer at all and it always makes me smile when someone enjoys reading what I write.  At the end of the day, I'm just telling our story; hoping that it will continue to help in our recovery but also help others who are experiencing something similar.

When our experiences where at it's heights, I often wondered if the people who lived in our house/land before us ever experience anything.  I thought to myself they had to have something happen because what was going on was so obvious to us.

The owners previous to us lived in the house for 15 years.  I was certain that if they lived here that long that they had to have witnessed something.  The previous owner is actually our insurance agent so one day I reached out to him.   It was difficult for me to start the conversation because, let's face it, it sounded crazy and insane.  However we have a good relationship so I was able to bring it up fairly easily.  Surprisingly he didn't think I was crazy and was open minded.  He said they never experienced anything out of the ordinary.  He thought long and hard about it before he answered completely.  I could tell he was really trying to remember.   That gave me some solace that at least he was willing to dig through his memories to try to help.  In the end, he couldn't recall anything.  He told me he would ask his wife and daughters if they had any weird things happened but unfortunately a few days later he let me know that they hadn't.  Since the owners before them had passed away,  I couldn't talk to them and was left with more questions than answers.  

I continued trying to rationalize what was happening.  Given that we seemed to be the only ones who had ever experienced paranormal activity here left me questioning our mental health.  Were we just crazy or was their something else causing our meltdown?  The logical next step was to check for something material that could cause this nightmare;  mold, radon, carbon monoxide, etc?  I read back through the home inspection, nothing...nothing that would explain what was happening.  No mold.  No radon.  No carbon monoxide. No lead.  Nothing that would explain our mental health decline or deterioration of our physical health.   

I was out of logical explanations options at this point  How could we see things that others could not?  How is that possible?

We are different

I finally accepted that what were experiencing was real.  I began to realize that we were "different", not crazy.  We saw the world differently than others.  Not only were we different than others, we are also different within our family unit.  Some of us are Empaths.  Some, Sensitives. Some, Mediums.  Also, we all have some sort of Psychic Ability with each one being different.  We were the perfect recipe for the paranormal.

The problem with this is we didn't understand what we were which meant we had no clue why things were happening to us.  It was similar to being on a runaway horse.  Since we absolutely no understand of why we were paranormal targets, we couldn't stop it. 

We finally began to realized who and what we were.  It took being on The Dead Files to finally get the answers we needed to understand.  Without Amy Allan's help and guidance during our episodes reveal, I often think that we were heading down path of destruction.   (You can read about the full story of our episode's reveal in these blog entries.  The Reveal:  Part One, The Reveal:  Part Two, The Reveal:  Part Three, The Reveal:  Part Four.)

I think everyone has abilities but they have to realize and accept them in order to experience things.  It's all because people are closed minded. I feel there are 3 types of closed minded people.

• Those who are closed minded because they refuse to believe.

These folks cannot see beyond their own beliefs; be it religious or scientific.  Until they accept the possibility that there are other realms or dimensions they will continue to deny everything.

• Those who are closed without realizing their closed.

These folks believe but they don't fully believe.  They feel that nothing will ever happen to them but they believe some of the things that happen to others.  They may experience small things from time to time but rationalize a way to dismiss it.   If they would just fully commit to the belief that there is more out there than just us, their world would open up.  I think this is where most people fall.  If you feel you're in this category; embrace your belief.  It's in the back of your mind don't suppress it.  Embrace it.

• Those that unintentionally close themselves.

There are those out there who believe so deeply and passionately.   They want so badly to experience something; anything.  They push themselves so hard mentally that they shut themselves off and their  high emotions act as spiritual repellents.  They just need to relax, clear their minds and center themselves.  It will happen if they just observe and don't force the action.

Now, keep in mind, this is just my opinion.  I only base it off our experiences and observations.   There are a lot of wonderful people out there who are experts in the paranormal field who may have different opinions.  

Even though we are not experts, we are survivors.  That should account for something. 

It All Makes Sense Now

As I continue to navigate through some unexplained and scary memories, they are all are starting to make sense now.  The unexplained has now become the explained and the scariness is not as scary. 

I always had this feeling there was something or someone watching me but would always dismiss it to my imagination or just the fact that what I was experiencing was just not possible.  That was frustrating because I knew deep down that something happened but, because of my narrow thinking, I would dismiss it.  All that did was add to the "what if" anxiety.

Even as my family was going through the hell of our haunting, I was still trying to rationalize and debunk everything that was happening.  It took something targeted directly towards me for me to finally come around.  I wrote about that epiphany in "Can You Hear Me Now!".  My eyes are open now and explanations of things that happened throughout my life are making sense.  It's a good feeling to finally have some reconciliation of past experiences.  It gives me some closure.

I am finally able to close the books on one memory in particular.  It's one that I don't think I have ever shared with anyone.

I have family in Michigan and I went to visit them one Summer when I was a teenager.  Even though didn't visit my father's side of the family often, I still felt close to all of them.  To me it was a different world than what I was use to; different climate, different accents, and a different lifestyle.  I was also excited about the chance to escape the summertime heat of Texas.

My family there lives in and around a very small town that has a population of about 800. It's one of those quaint upper Midwest towns you see on the Hallmark channel.   Everyone knows everyone and everyone gets along.

My grandmother lived in a small two story house just off the main road through downtown.  I loved that house.  It just seemed to have the historic vibe to it and had a unique layout.  My grandmothers bedroom was down stairs and the two other rooms were upstairs.  The two upstairs rooms were separated by a door and you had to walk to through one to get to the other.  Like I said, a unique layout but also a somewhat inconvenient one.

Not only was the town old but, my grandmother's house was old too.  I don't quite know how old it was but it had that old time feel.  I guess something like that is a recipe for something and that's what happened.

I would sleep in the front upstairs bedroom as I felt uncomfortable in the back bedroom.  I would keep the door closed between the two rooms because of that uncomfortable feeling.  As I was starting to drift off to sleep one night, I remember hearing some shuffling downstairs.  I didn't think much of it, I figured it was just my grandmother.  I rolled over and fell asleep.  

I remember waking up in the middle of the night, the room was lite up from the light of the moon and my grandmothers dog had somehow found her way onto my bed.  I figured it was her that woke me up and I put her down on the floor but she jumped right back up.  Instead of fighting with her about her sleeping arrangements, I just let her lay at my feet.  I was starting to fall back to sleep when I hear something in the other bedroom.  It sounded like someone walking around but it stopped as I became more alert.  I chalked it up to the fact that my mind was starting to drift off and it was the beginning of a dream.

Then, out of nowhere, the door opened.  It was a loud squeaky door so it woke me up rather quickly.  Startled, I sat up and looked through the door to other room but saw nothing.  I figured I hadn't shut it well and it just opened because the house settled.  I got up, closed the door and I made sure it closed tightly. 

As the dog and I were getting comfortable, the door opened again.  I sat up and in the moonlight, I could see a figure of a man standing in the doorway.  He was huge and filled up the whole door frame. I sat there paralyzed.  The dog saw him too and began to growl.  Then the door closed and I could hear footsteps walking away from the door.

I was terrified.  I grabbed the dog, a blanket, and pillow and went downstairs.  I laid on the couch (the Davenport as my grandmother called it) but didn't sleep the rest of that night as my eyes stayed focused on the bottom of the stairs.

I slept on the couch every night afterwards as I just felt too scared to sleep upstairs.  I would only go upstairs during the day and always took the dog with me.

I never spoke to anyone about what happened, not even my grandmother, as I didn't want to relive what had happened.  I also didn't want  people to think that was crazy.

As I look back at this particular experience, it is still kind of unnerving.  I was in a different place that I wasn't entirely comfortable with yet and I had no point of reference for what had happened.

To this day, it is still one of the experiences from my past that still haunts me but at least I now understand why it may had happened...maybe 

You Never Feel Alone

When you experience something such as what we have, it changes you.  It causes you to question everything you have ever been taught, as well as everything that has ever happened to you in the past.  All the sudden those past events in your life begin to make sense.  You begin to realize that you are never alone.  Once you begin to grasp and accept that concept, your perception of the world around you changes...forever.

The reality of this change really hit me hard when the Reiki was working on getting rid of the crazy woman.  I had never really allowed myself to think about the details or specifics of her situational reality.  All I knew was that I was tired of her and wanted her gone from our lives forever.  It wasn't until we started the "getting rid of the bitch" process that it truly hit me.

She was extremely vocal as the Reiki started her work.  She was very frustrated that the Reiki could only sense and feel her presence but couldn't hear her.  That just added to her anxiety and she started screaming at her.  It was deafening, causing a ringing in my ears.  Once she realized what was going to happen, she began to panic.  As Amy mentioned during our reveal, she wasn't really in the mood to leave and started to fight back.  

I finally caught a glimpse of her world, another dimension I guess is the best way to describe it.  It was as if I had opened up enough for her to share what she was dealing with since she passed.  Her world is a continuous day that is stuck in time, moving but not moving forward.  It was a constant sunset with clouds moving in front of the sun as stays frozen on the horizon.   She had no concept of yesterday, today, or tomorrow.  No days of the week, no month, or even what year (although I felt the strong sense that the year was the year she died.)

The most shocking thing that I learned was that she no concept of time whatsoever.  "Time" was like a foreign word to her that had no translation.  Even though she had a never ending sunset, there was still not time of day associated with it; no hours, no minutes, no seconds   This was difficult for me to comprehend, even as of today I still have difficulties grasping it.   Her world was a continuous loop around her and she could move freely inside it but could never truly escape it.

After all these years of not understanding, I finally accept the fact that there is more out there than what we know or accept.  We are so caught up in what we think is "right" that we fall to look beyond our own thought process.  What we deem as an logically explanation for something does nothing but hinder our spiritual development and understanding.  We become pigeon holed in our conception of reality that we fail to grasp there are so many dimensions out there.

If we could just open ourselves up to the fact that there is something beyond us, I feel that we could all move freely between these dimensions.  Those on the other sides having figured out how to come into ours but we refuse to allow ourselves to believe in theirs.  However, given that we don't truly believe in theirs means that they can only be a mist, orb, voice, or shadow.  Giving us that feeling that we're never alone.

Growing up with Spirits: My Philosophy

Hello again y’all, it’s Heidi. First things first, I wanted to express how grateful I am to all of the wonderful people out there who read my very first entry. It was something I never had an interest in doing, and frankly, it was something I was afraid of. Seeing the support that was given to me made me feel glad that I decided to do something a little out of my comfort zone. So, thank you all.

Now, my first entry was about a scary situation in one of the many paranormal experiences I’ve had. I feel like that’s the sort of thing that draws people in. However, I think it’s important to remember that spirits, or ghosts, or whatever you choose to call them, are not always scary. At least not for me, that is. I’ve grown up with paranormal activity in my daily life, so I could just blame my lack of fear on me getting used to it, but I think it’s mainly because I learned.

I remember getting advice from when we were filming our episode of The Dead Files and also from the reiki master who helped us afterward. The big thing was that you, as a living being, have a body. And with that body, you have power and you are in control if you believe it. If something or someone is bothering you or making you uncomfortable, just tell them to stop calmly. Be polite, because they are still a soul even if they don’t have a body.

Even though the show is over and my house is pretty much back to normal, there are still plenty of times where I have encounters with spirits. I can’t see them or hear them like my dad can, but I seem to be very sensitive to their presence. I can feel them looking over my shoulder or sitting beside me, just like how it feels like when a living person is doing those things. For some, it may send a shiver up their spine, but I welcome them. I treat them as an equal. If they are interested in what I’m doing, I show it to them. I speak to them just as if they were alive. If I feel uncomfortable, I just tell them to stop whatever they happen to be doing because I don’t like it. And 99% of the time, they listen and stop. 

We hear a lot about the bad stories about ghosts, but a lot of things seem to be misunderstood. I think about it this way, I put myself in their shoes. People are typically afraid of dying, even though it’s natural and it’s best to just accept it. Imagine that fear, combined with the confusion of what they do after they’re dead. Imagine being stuck on Earth as a spirit and not knowing what to do or where to go. You’d call out to people for help, or maybe just for company. I feel like showing kindness to the dead could help them calm down, if only just for a minute.

There are many kind spirits, just as there are many kind living people in the world. Treat them just as you would any other person, that’s my personal belief. If you put out negative energy, you might just receive that negative energy back. That’s what I think. That could just be my optimistic side showing, though.

Before I go, I have a favor to ask. Aside from being that kid on the ghost show, I also am a singer/songwriter and I make my own music. I currently have one of my songs released on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, Youtube, and many other music streaming services. I’m also getting an album together, as I write these blogs, to post on those streaming services as well. If you would give my music a listen, it would mean the world to me. You can also follow me on places like Spotify and get updates when my new music is out if you do like it. Here is the link where you can choose where you want to listen if you choose to check it out. Thank you so much for your support, and thank you for reading!

Possession in a Child's Perspective

Hello, viewers of the blog, it’s Heidi. At long last, you get to hear from me if you ever had any interest in what I have to say. I guess I’ll start off by saying that I never wrote anything before because I don’t like looking back on what happened to my family and I. Those are some of the worst years of my life, so naturally, I wouldn’t want to reflect on them or even go back and remember the slightest detail. I mean, some of the stuff possibly caused by our issues with the paranormal is still affecting me today. It was only just recently that I got my medical issues and auto-immune disease under control, and I’m 16 now. So it’s been a bit. But now, I’ve grown somewhat, and I think I can share a bit with you all.

I’m not quite sure where to start, because there was just so much that happened. I also tend to block things off and forget them so I don’t have to deal with them, so there are scary experiences I don’t quite remember. Cause after seeing your dad get possessed multiple times, you’d want to forget it too. Actually, how about I talk about that?

I don’t remember what age I was or anything like that, but I do remember waking up to my little sister, Emi, shaking me and bawling. I could hear my mom yelling at me to wake up, and I was so lost and confused. I walk out of my bedroom to see my dad sitting crisscrossed on my front porch, eyes closed, and mumbling something in a language I’d never heard before. It was the first time I’d ever looked at someone, who I’d seen almost every day of my life, and think, “That’s not him”. It’s an eerie feeling. 

He then reaches out to Emi and says something, trying to grab her. She, of course, screams and starts crying even more because to her, that’s a stranger. I’m still stuck in shock and am not sure what to feel, but I followed what my mom told me. I grabbed Emi and ran outside with her, both of us barefoot and draped in our blankets. We run across our gravel driveway to the neighborhood across from us to reach our neighbors for help. After we’re on the road and running there, the shock wears off and I start bawling just like Emi. Thinking about it now, we must’ve been a sight to the other neighbors. Two young girls wrapped up in their blankets running barefoot in the middle of the street and crying. But when it’s happening to you, and you’re a kid, you’re just trying to reach some normalcy and safety. You don’t really care about what you look like.

We finally made it to the neighbors and we had ended up staying there for a bit. I’m extremely grateful that they were able and willing to help. I remember staying in the guest room, looking out the window, and seeing dozens of police cars and ambulances outside of my house. Everything ran through my head so fast. “Oh my god, what happened? Is Dad ok? Is Mom ok?”, those kinds of thoughts. But you can’t go and check because you’re too scared and it’s too dangerous. I sort of felt helpless.

Moral of the story is, getting possessed, or watching someone get possessed, is terrifying. It’s unpredictable. One minute you’re you, and the next you’re someone your children are terrified of, yet you still look the same. That’s the scary part.

Did you just slap my ass?

Living in a small house with an open bedroom means there is not a lot of privacy, especially for Jennifer and me.  So, when we get a opportunity to get some "quality time" together, we need to take it because we don't know when it will present itself again.  One day in particular we had a chance and we took it.  

Jennifer had just put Emi down for a nap and I was taking a lunch break.  A touch lead to a kiss, which lead to an embrace, which lead to us quietly sneaking into the back bedroom and locking the door for some afternoon delight.

It had been awhile since we had some adult time together so there was a lot excitement and passion.  We were really getting after it and maybe this type of activity creates a lot of energy.   We both could sense something, or somebody, was watching us however we were too caught up in moment to really care.  It had been so long for us so we really didn't care if somebody was watching.  Too each their own, I guess.

I want to say that I recall jokingly saying something along the lines of , "you can watch but you can't join.  Not looking for ghostly threesome."

"This moment is for us, not you", I added.

As our bliss was ending, or ended I cannot recall, the room was weirdly calm.  Of course we both still wanted more but alias it wasn't meet to be.  Hey, it had been awhile, remember?  I was laying on top of Jennifer with her on the bed and me standing on the floor and as I was lifting myself up, it happened.  Out of nowhere someone slapped my ass so hard it sounded like a firecracker had just gone off.  

"Did you just slap my ass?", I asked Jennifer.

"No, I didn't, I swear, but I heard it!", she responded.

Even as I was asking the question, I knew it could not have been her as she still had her arms around me with her hands on shoulders.  I immediately jumped up and looked around the room.

"Oh my God!  You have a huge hand-print on your ass!"  Jennifer said excitedly.

I immediately turned around and looked back into a mirror.  Yep, there was a big red hand-print that nearly covered one of my ass cheeks.   Holly shit, I had just been slapped on the ass by a ghost, I thought to myself!  

Of course Jennifer found this totally hilarious.  

"Maybe, it's telling you to get back on that horse cowboy." ,  she said as she laughed.

Needless to say, I was not too happy with what had just happened and certainly wasn't pleased with the big hand-print on my ass.   It literally took over an hour for it to start fading.   That should tell you how hard I got popped.

Looking back at this experience, I'm still not sure what to make of it.   Was it the energy we created?  Was it a jealous spirit that didn't like me making love to my wife?   Maybe it was spirit that saw an opportunity to have some mischievous fun?   Who knows why it happened and thankfully it never happened again.

In the end my ass healed and we got to enjoy some playtime together, so the pleasure was well worth the pain.   

Sorry folks, no pictures of that hand-print on my ass.

The Chill of an Early Fall

While our experiences were raging on, I always seemed to dread the upcoming Fall season.  Not that anything in particular happened, it just seemed that more happened.  Well, at least it appeared that more happened.  Maybe it was just my heightened senses to the change in seasons.   The leaves were changing, Fall decorations were out, and the morning air was getting crisp.  Everything was going into hiding from the upcoming Winter.  Looking back, I can recall two incidents that still stick out to me which seemed to have some correlation to the change in seasons.

Every Fall, in September, Kearney holds the Jesse James Festival.  It's over the course of 3 weekends and celebrates the western heritage of the town, not necessarily the outlaw it's named after.  I truly feel that celebrating the past, especially ones where violence and lawlessness ran rampant, will create an opening for spirits and other things to walk through.  The more tumultuous the past, the more hostel those who return.  

Sometimes good intentions during one of these types of celebrations can have unexpected consequences.  That's what happened during the Jesse James Festival in the Fall of 2013.  I have a good friend who owned a western leather shoppe and I told him I would help him set up his vendor booth at Jesse James Park the night of the rodeo.   I was excited to help and looked forward to doing so. The day was just like any other day, nothing too special but I was in a great mood; happy and energetic.  I was finally spending some time at home after a long stretch of travel.  The weather was nice and the temperature was a little below normal.  I knew that it would be a beautiful night and I was looking forward to helping my friend and watching the rodeo.    

I was wrapping things up towards the end of the day so I could start getting ready to go.  All of the sudden, without any warning whatsoever,  I immediately felt ill.  I started sweating, had chills, I developed a fever, and felt nauseated.  I had not eaten anything that day which would have caused me to get sick and I hadn't felt even the slightest bit sick either.   As I made my way upstairs, I started to vomit and ran to the bathroom.  I had the drive heaves and my eyes started to water and my vision became blurry.  I felt as if I was going to pass out.   I somehow made it out of the bathroom but only as far as Chloe's room.  I collapsed on her bed, shaking and feeling like I'd been hit by a bus.  Jennifer called my friend and told him I wasn't going to be able to make it.

Just as fast as it started, it was over.  I immediately felt better as soon as Jennifer told me not to worry about going to Jesse James Park.  I feel as if something wanted to keep me home and away from the fairgrounds for some reason.  I now feel that "something" was the crazy lady trying to control me and keep me from other people.  Thankfully, I never had another episode like it again.  However if you're an avid reader of the blog, you that crazy bitch wasn't done with me.

Another incident that happened one year in early October involved my desk.   During the time we were dealing with the revolving door of spirits, I had my office in the basement.   It was a quiet place for me to work.   I would come upstairs to eat, use the bathroom, or grab something to eat throughout the day.  One afternoon, I came upstairs to grab something out of our bedroom.  Jennifer, Londyn, and Londyn's now husband, Jordan were in the kitchen.  I was in the bedroom for no more than a couple of minutes and went back down stairs.   As I got to my office area I stopped dead in my tracks.  There was my desk, turned upside down with everything that was on it positioned the same place as if it were upright.   I was pissed off and stormed back upstairs because I was certain was Jennifer, Londyn, and Jordan playing a prank.

"Are ya'll fucking with me!"  I yelled at them.

They had no clue what I was talking about.  I explained to them about my desk and we all went down stairs to look at it.

"I swear if ya'll fucking with me, I'm going to be so pissed because I don't got time for stupid shit like this!", I said.

They all said they had nothing to do with it and after I calmed down, I realized they would have never had the time to pull it off with such detail.  I finally realized that it was something being mischievous or sending a message that they were in the control.

Maybe the messages being sent from these two experiences was that just like the change of the seasons, they could change my environment too;  reminding me that the chill in the air was not always due to the Fall.

.

Phases

One of the most challenging things about our post-experience was adjusting to our new lives.  Let's face it, when Steve said you look like you've been hit by a Mack Truck during our reveal that was an understatement.

After our reveal, we were reeling.  We were overwhelmed and had no idea of what was going to happen next.  We knew what we needed to do but doing so meant time and energy.  More importantly, the "energy" part.  We were tired and beaten down, it took every ounce of energy just to make it through the day.  If you are a reader of our blog you know that, thankfully, we were able to pull ourselves up by the boot straps and get it done.

Getting back to normal for us was kind of like handling this pandemic we are all facing;  you open back up in phases.  

Phase One:  Get the shit out that was terrorizing us and keep it out

Phase Two:  Recover and get help for what we went through.

Phase Three:  Learn to live with our newly discovered abilities and gain control.

Phase Four:  Fully open.  Help support others who may be experiencing things and have nowhere to turn.

Phases one and two were tough and there were times that I did not think we would make it.  Thankfully with support from many people, including all of The Dead Files fans and blog readers, we were able to to it.  Do we have relapses?  Sure, every now and then things get a little weird but we push through it.

Phases Three and Four are not as challenging but do have their own sets of nuances that make handling them unique.  I want to focus on Phase Three because I think everyone is fully aware of our mission to help others.

Phase Three is a continuing and ongoing process.   You have to trust your own abilities and respect the abilities of others.  Trusting your own abilities means opening yourself up to what is beyond the scope of your own consciousness.  However before you do that, you damn sure better learn how to control what is beyond your own environment.  That is the tricky part.  

Some people think that if you want to know what the party is like, you have to be a participate. They think you have to join the crowd and be a part of the festivities to get a true grasp of what it's all about.  However that can come with consequences.  You do not know if those at the party are truly who they say they are and whether or not they are there to do harm.  God forbid if one of them follows you home.  

Through trial and error, I've learned the opposite.  You can open the door and stand in the doorway and watch.  If you don't like what you see or get even the smallest sense that something is not right, you close the door and leave.  However not before telling everyone that you are not to be followed.

Dealing with your abilities means you will be invited to a lot of "after parties" for the souls who have passed.  Learn to trust your abilities. Once you set foot inside, you need to have a heightened sense of awareness. Protecting yourself is your highest priority despite your thirst of the unknown.  My motto is, "when in doubt, get the hell out."   You can control everything if you learn how to control yourself.  Cleanse and protect yourself, as well as your home.   Be diligent about it too.  Just because things seem calm does not mean something is not lurking in the shadows waiting to get inside. Trust your abilities.

Trusting your abilities means you must respect the abilities of others.  If someone says they sense, feel, see or tell you something is happening, take it face value and act accordingly.  If you question what you are hearing, you may under-react or not react at all.  For us, if one of us senses anything we react immediately, no questions asked.

Like I said earlier,  all of this is still new to us and we are continuity learning.  Never doubt yourself or those near to you.  If you do, you'll be amazed at the wonders you will see.  Everything your experience will teach you how to react in the future.

Not Everything was Scary

People are always quick to assume that when you are dealing with the paranormal, it is always going to be something scary.  In most cases, at least from the ones that I have heard about, that is true and our experience certainly had it's horrific moments that caused a lot of stress, fear, and anxiety.  However, that wasn't always the case.  Throughout our haunting, there were moments when some things were just comical.  Not sure who or what it was that decided practical jokes were a good way to get our attention but at least it was a break from the horrifying things.

"Where did my underwear go?"

So, this is something that didn't make the show.  It was just too funny and our producer busted out laughing when we told him the story.  It just didn't fit the theme and the flow of the show so it ended up on the cutting room floor.

One evening, I can't remember exactly when, I was folding laundry in the open bedroom.  I had just finished folding and putting away my underwear and I left to put some clothes away in another room. When I came back, the drawer where my underwear was was pulled completely out of the dresser and my underwear was piled back on the bed.   Needless to say I was not pleased.

Even though I was mad, I didn't make a big deal about what happened.  I put the drawer back inside the dresser, folded my underwear again, and put them away.  I then left the room to get more laundry.  When I came back, the drawer was open and my underwear were laid neatly on the bed, thankfully, still folded.

At this point, I was frustrated and said, "That's enough! Stop it!" as I put them back into the drawer; again.

When I came back into the room later in the evening.   The drawer was still closed and nothing was on the bed.  I thought to myself that I finally got through to whomever it was.  I thought everything was cool and we had reached an understanding that my underwear was off limits.

Well, I guess whomever it was decided that my underwear was just too tempting.  When I went to get a pair out of the drawer there were none to be found.  I looked in each drawer, under and around the bed, and even under the mattress.  Gone, they were all gone.  I only had the pair I was wearing, that was it.

A day with by and another and another.  No underwear to be found and going commando was not an option.  I was forced to begrudgingly buy new underwear.

I was frustrated that I was forced to by new ones but I slowly got over it until few days later, Emi comes into the house giggling,  "Dad, all your underwear is in the back of your truck."

I head out to the garage and sure enough, there's all my underwear throw into the bed of my truck.  As I was getting them out to wash them again, because, hey, you don't know where they've been, I heard a child softly laughing.

"yea, you got me.  that was a good one, you're very funny", I said as I walked out of the garage.

So, if you ever faced with a mischievous spirit of a child, let them have them fun but guard your underwear!

Telling Signs of What Was to Come

When we look back at our lives and the events that shape them, there were usually signs along the way that warned us about what was to come.  I now realize certain things happened during my life which were indicators that something big was going to happen. 

The problem was I ignored them.  Talking about anything paranormal wasn't as widely accepted back then as it is today.   I didn't want people to think I was crazy or making things up to get attention.  So, I just held it inside and never really spoke about it.

Being raised by a military father meant that things in my world were black and white with very little grey areas.  My father did not accept excuses and had zero tolerance for bullshit.   Sharing anything remotely paranormal would have been totally unacceptable to him and nothing but an excuse for why I did or didn't do something.  Consequently, I kept my mouth shut and never mentioned any experiences whatsoever.   In hindsight, that was the wrong thing to do.

As I look back at my life, I can single out 3 experiences which I should have take much more seriously.

Number One-The Voice

My first paranormal experience happened when I was very young; around 6 or 7 years old.   We were living in Fort Worth, TX while my father was stationed at Carswell AFB.   I had a strict early bedtime and would usually just lay awake in my bed until I finally drifted off to sleep.  This particular evening was no different.   That night, my parents had some friends over to play cards.  I could hear them all talking as music played in the background.  I was focused on their voices because I found comfort in knowing that they we're near.  

As I lay there awake, my bedroom door slowly closed.  I didn't really think much of it because I thought my mom did it because they were being loud.   I continued to hear all four of them talking in at the kitchen table, the shuffling of cards and loud laughter.  I could make out each one of their voices.   

I heard my closet door open and then close.  Then it opened and closed again. I sat up but saw nothing.  It was a small room so I would have noticed if anyone was walking around.   I was clearly the only one in the room.   I could still hear the voices of my parents and their friends.  I was terrified.  I knew something was in there with me.  I could feel the tingle up my spine and I was shaking.  I jumped up on my bed and yelled for my parents but they didn't hear me.  I yelled louder but still nothing.  I yelled as loud as I could but I only heard talking and laughter.

As I was about to yell for them again, a voice interrupted me.  

"Shut up and lay down!", a deep male voice said.

I was frozen and speechless as I looked down in the direction of the voice.  No one there...no one.  I frantically looked around but I was the only one in the room. 

Terrified, I compiled and laid down my eyes still fixed on the bedroom door as I continue to hear the my parents and their friends in the kitchen.

I never mentioned what happened to my parents or anyone else.

Number Two-The Smile

When I was a freshman in high school, a friend and I accepted an odd job from one our neighbors.  The job was truly an "odd" but one I found very interesting because of my love for history.  It was cleaning up old abandoned cemeteries in and around rural areas just Northwest of Austin, TX.

The area was littered with small family and church cemeteries that were forgotten and neglected. Most of them dated back to late 1800's and early 1900's.

I remember the first one we went to.  It was full of brush and was overgrown with small trees.  You couldn't even tell it was a cemetery.  As we began to clear the landscape, the graves became visible.  I was fascinated by reading the headstones as most were dated form the 1800's.  My mind began to wonder who they were, what were like and how they died.  I found coins on top of the headstones and I wondered who put them there.  I picked one up, I was overcome with grief and sorrow.  It was as if I was at their funeral feeling the pain of their loved ones.

One man's grave in particular caught my attention. The grave had sunken in and the lowering device was still outlining the grave.  The hand cranks were still inserted on it but the belts used to support the casket were long gone. It was as if they never finished the burial.  To this day, I remember the dates on headstone; 1801-1869. As I recall, he was last one to be buried at this cemetery.  He lived a full life and saw so many things.   My imagination began to run wild.   Was he here during the Texas War of Independence?  Did he serve during that?  What brought him to Texas and what did he do here?  I stood there mesmerized.

Soon I was overcome with sadness  I felt that something must had happen for them not to finish the burial.  My sadness turned to determination to finish what should have been done over a 100 years ago.  I moved the lowering device and grabbed a shovel.  I started to fill up his grave with the dirt we had brought for planting some bushes. I found a rock that made perfect foot-stone and cleaned the headstone.   I stood at the base of the grave and said a prayer.  I then bent down and placed some wild flowers I had found next to the headstone.  As I stood back up, there he was, standing there.  I could see him clear as day.  He was dressed in a black suit with a ribbon bow tie.

I wasn't scared at all, as a matter of fact I felt an overwhelming rush of calmness.  We looked at each other and he smiled.  I remember feeling at peace as he turned and disappeared.

Although it was a very surreal experience, I felt a sense of satisfactory from it. I never spoke to anyone about it and never shared the experience until now.

Number Three-The Call

When I was in 8th grade I lost my uncle to a car accident.  It was devastating because I loved him very much.   To this day, I think of him often.  He will quickly cross my mind literally out of nowhere.  No rhyme or reason to it.

I recall a time when I was 25 or 26 years old and living alone.  I was watching TV and the phone rang.  When I answered there was only static so I hung up.  I didn't think much of it.  I figured they'd call back.   I went back to watching TV and the phone rang again, this time was a high pitch static and the person on the other end said "Hello?".  However, before I could answer them, the call disconnected. I thought maybe it was one of friends calling and they had a bad connection.

After awhile, I forgot all about it and was getting ready for bed when the phone rang again.   Once again, nothing but static but this time not quite as bad.  I said "Hello" a couple of times but nothing.  Just as I was about to hang up the person on the other end answered.

"Lance?  This is your Uncle Jerry.  Tell your mom I'm alright."

The call then disconnected.  My heart sank over what I had just heard.  The voice on the other end did sound like him but how could that be?

I immediately did a *69 but got a recording saying the number I just dialed was no longer in service.

Shell-shocked about what just happened I quickly called my mother.   I first said that what I was about to tell her was going to be unbelievable but it truly happened.  Surprisingly she was very open and non-judgmental about it.

I remember her telling me that she thought of him often but recently had been thinking of more than usually.

I guess sometimes the need to comfort the ones you love knows no barriers.

As I look back at these 3 experiences, I wish I would had accepted the fact that things were not always black and white.  There are truly grey areas and you need to pay attention to those.   I feel if I would have been more open after those experiences, my family wouldn't have suffered as they did.   I think  we should all be more open to the belief that there are things out there and if you don't pay attention or respect them, we may pay the price.

So, with this all being said, I continue to encourage anyone who is suffering through something to get help as soon as you can.   If you are experiencing things that you just can't explain or try to dismiss as nothing, accept and learn from them.  If you don't there's no telling what may happen.

Ghost or Spirits or things that go bump in the night

We're often asked do we believe in "Ghost" now.  The short answer is yes, especially after our experiences.  However, it's not that easy of an answer.   We don't necessarily believe in word "Ghost" as a descriptive word for what we've experienced.  Granted, the description of our blog contradicts that statement as it's "...our ghost story.."  We use that because it's something others use and it's more identifiable to people.

So, if we don't believe in "Ghost" as a defining word then what exactly do we believe they are?  I think our descriptive terms go much deeper.

Our experiences lead to a more spiritual way of thinking as well as the concepts of what we believe haunted us.  "Ghost" was just too much of a general term to define things for us.  We knew we were dealing with something much deeper; spiritually as well as it's existence.

If they were here, then what exactly are they?  First, I want to say that we are not paranormal investigators so anything we say probably should be taken with a grain of salt when we answer this question.  There are many more people who have dedicated their lives to research this subject.  For us, it's just how we define it; nothing more.

After our experiences, our whole thought process changed.  We believe that although the people here had died in this world, they may not have died in others.  Maybe they left us and just moved to another dimension and, in the process of doing so, left a little bit of themselves behind here for us to see.  That part of themselves they left behind is not their ghost but something tangible of themselves.  Maybe it's a memory of what they experienced in our dimension that subconsciously they left behind because they no longer needed it or wanted it.   The more they left, the stronger it was.  We think they left their bad baggage behind and that's why we had the issues we had.   That bad baggage is constantly trying to reconnect with things it knows and hopefully reunite with remaining part so it can become whole again.   Maybe it even could pull back the part that left, trapping them in a state limbo between the dimensions.

It's a section of their soul and being.  It's that part of the soul that's lost or discarded.  Left behind intentionally or by accident maybe to deal with unfinished business or just no longer wanted.

To us they are not ghost but a fragmented section of  lost souls.

Not ghost...Misplaced and Discarded Peelings of Souls.  Left behind as a snake would leave it's shredded skin.

Question From A Reader: "You said they did a good job at telling your story in a 45 minutes show, what parts didn't make the cut?"

"You said they did a good job at telling your story in a 45 minutes show, what parts didn't make the cut?"

They shot over 80 hours of footage and some things just didn't make the cut or just didn't flow with the story.  In the end, I think it was a very good "Cliff Notes" version of what happened to us.  I remember when we were talking to our producer and he had an outline of how he thought the show would flow.  We knew that trying to cram everything that happened into our episode would be impossible but his outline was pretty much spot on.

After our episode aired, we got a ton of questions.  Everyone wanted to know what else happened and the "behind the scenes" part of the story.  We did our best to answer each and every question but it become very difficult to keep up with each and everyone.  A friend suggested we write a book.  That was a great idea however there was one problem with that; who would write it and how would it get published?  He then suggested a blog. I did some research and decided that was a more realistic option.  Hence, this blog was born.

There were a lot of things that didn't make the show.  So much so that it would be impossible to mention.  I can tell you that nearly everything that did not make it is answered here in our blog.  Since it's been so long since the filming,  I truly cannot remember everything we talked about.  Also, Jennifer and I were not involved with any of the other interviews.

One thing I am disappointed about was that Steve was portrayed as being skeptical and condescending in our episode.  Granted, he asked some tough questions but none of his other side was shown.  He was very caring when speaking with our girls.  He treated us with respect and many times during filming had casual conversations with us about our ranch and our lives.  The thing that I will always remember is how he treated us when Jennifer had her breakdown during the reveal.  He was so compassionate and caring.  The fact that none of this made the episode made it appear that he was being rude to us.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

Anyway, below are some videos of portions interviews that did not air in our episode.

That's A Wrap

It has been a while since the last blog "Showtime" so I thought I would take advantage of the time off I have to write another entry.

When I first started the blog, it was our story from the beginning to where we are now.  Every story has a beginning and an end.  This is the end of our story.  Reliving everything that happened to us was a mixed bag of emotions.  We cried and laughed.  We became angry at what the Crazy lady had done to us as well as the paranormal team that put us in more danger.  Telling our story wasn't easy but our goal was, and still is, that it may have helped someone who is experiencing similar things.  In sharing our story, our hopes were that it would encourage those who were living a nightmare to come forward and get help.  Our unofficial tag line became; "No one should suffer in silence for fear of being judged or ridiculed."

The blog has been wildly successful.  It has gotten over 500,000 reads, around a 1,000 followers, 220 blog comments and around 800 email questions.  It was shared over 2,000 times.  It has been named a Top 50 Paranormal Blog 2 years in a row.  It still gets 200 hits on average per day. All I can say is...WOW!  Thank you to every one who has read, shared, and commented.  We cannot thank you enough for your understanding and support.

We cannot thank the Dead Files and Painless Productions enough for agreeing to air our story.  Also, the help of Amy and Steve was beyond measure.  We often think of where would be if they had not stepped in to help.

To answer the question of "where we are now", it is a peaceful place full of love and positive energy.  It does take work to keep it this way, but we are diligent in our actions.  Learning how to control our environment is the key and continually educating ourselves on our abilities is an endless journey.  We still have activity but it is nothing on the scale of what we experienced in the past.  As I mentioned, we have learned how to control our environment.

The whole experience has made me realize that there is more out there than what we can comprehend.  For us as human beings to think we are the end all and that there is nothing beyond us, is arrogant.  Imagine what we could learn if we would all just be open to the possibility of another world or dimension.

As for the blog, we plan to keep it up and running.  The mission has not changed.  We will continue to share our story in the hopes of helping others come forward and get help.

I will still post entries of things we experience should they become relevant.  I will also provide updates on how our girls are doing.  We will continue to answers questions.  So, don't be shy

We will start posting experiences from our past (childhood & young adult experiences, etc). Everything happens for reason and those experiences may provide clues of what was to come later in our lives.

Thank you all for the continued support.  Without that love and positive energy, our journey towards recovery would have taken much longer.

That's a wrap...for now.

Showtime!

Now that we know when our episode will air, we were free to talk openly about it.   However we were still somewhat hesitate to do so.  We were still somewhat gun shy about discussing our experiences openly for fear of being judged.  However, with the encouragement of people we trust, we decided we should be open about what happened and talk about it.   We went through so much hell.  We hide within the walls of house and didn't talk about what had happened.  In hindsight, that was a mistake, all it did was make the things tormenting stronger and us weaker.  It turned our situation into a living nightmare.   Our hope in sharing our story was that it would encourage others to come forward and get help if they were experiencing something similar.  No one should suffer in silence for as long as we had.

The other reason we were hesitate to talk about the show was the fact that we hadn't seen it yet.  We had no clue on how it turned out.  Would it make us look like fools?  Would it raise more questions than answers?  Would it be believable?  Would it tell our story accurately? Our whole 8 year ordeal was about to crammed into a 45 minutes television show.

As promised by Painless Productions, our episode was going to be the season premiere for season 8.  That kind of gave us a mixed bag of emotions.  Our first thought was, it had to be at least a decent episode or they wouldn't set it as the premiere. All that did was raise our anxiety level a bit because now we felt some pressure in being in that situation.   Expectations are always high for a Dead Files season premiere and we hoped we would live up to that.

Anyway, the show was going to air and we needed to get ready.  Our whole lives where going to brought out into the open.   We knew that people would ask questions and some people may even try to come to the house.   I felt we needed to beef up our security so we installed cameras throughout the property.   We talked to the girls on how to answer questions regarding the show and our experiences. School was still in session and we knew they would become very popular (good or bad) very quickly.

Friends mentioned we should have a watch party.  Even our favorite restaurant, Rancho Grande, suggested it and offered the use of their private dining room.  We briefly considered the watch party idea but after thinking about it, along we the fact that we would be watching the episode for the first time like everyone else, we decided against the idea.  It would have been just too much for us.

We started talking openly about our experiences and letting people know about the show.   We didn't go into any detail about the show, only the fact that when it would air.   As you can imagine, we got ton of questions and were really surprised about the support we got.   People also started sharing their experience with us.  All the support and the fact that people believed us helped more than we could have imagined.  For the first time we actually felt normal. 

As the air date got closer, Painless Productions encouraged us to share the social media posts which included clips of the show.   Even though we talked about Amy's walk, we hadn't seen any of it yet.  The clips were the first time we saw glimpses of the episode.

We decided to watch the show at home with a small group of people.  They all knew the hell we went through and they were by our sides during all of it.  Their help and encouragement never wavered despite the craziness of our story. 

May 6, 2017, showtime!   We were kind of in a daze the whole day.  Excited, nervous, anxious and every other emotion you could imagine.  8:00 PM finally rolled around and we were about to watch our episode for the first time.

We were asked to do a live Q&A session with one of the Facebook Dead Files groups after the show. Since we had adopted the philosophy of sharing our story in order to help others, it seemed like the right thing to do.  I also knew there would be a lot of questions that would be coming our way, I thought I would be able to answer them all at once.  I must admit that was unprepared and overwhelmed by the response we got during the Q&A.  I honestly didn't think it would be a huge as it was.  Everyone in the group was absolutely amazing and over the years have been a tremendous source of support for us.

Anyway..more on that later.  Now back to our show.

The show turned out great!  We were so happy with how they told our story, it was amazing how the were able to that in such a short time frame.  The emotions we felt as we watched were all over the place.  It was like reliving 8 years in 45 minutes.   We all teared up as we watched the reveal.  It was so emotionally powerful when Jennifer broke down.  Even to this day, we still choke back tears when we see it.

We never told the girls about the reveal, so this was the first time they had seen it.  It was upsetting to them but we assured them that the evil which was once here is now gone.

I remember hugging Jennifer after the show.  Holding her tightly and thinking to myself, our ordeal is finally over.

The Waiting

After the Dead Files crew had packed up and left, we had things to do.  First and foremost was getting our house back and ridding ourselves of the things that had been terrorizing us for nearly 8 years.   This proved to be a daunting and challenge task however we got through it.  Our lives began to return to somewhat normal.

Our episode wasn't schedule to air until mid 2017.  We had no idea the exact date as that was up to The Travel Channel.  We were told we would have about a month's notice of the air date.   Having a year to get our lives back in order was a blessing because I think if the show would have aired a month after filming, there would have been no way we could have handled the attention.

That time before our episode aired was probably the most important part of our recovery.  It gave a moment to regroup, catch our breath, and heal.   What a lot people don't understand is that everything does not just get better after the reveal.  We were still tired and still suffering.  Our health vastly improved after the Reiki helped move crazy lady along, but she still left behind emotional damage.

We worked on protection techniques and supporting each other along the way.   Educating ourselves became something that was continuing and ongoing and we were finally moving forward. 

The girls were still suffering somewhat, especially Emi.   We started taking them to see a therapist, one that was open to hearing our story.   Sharing what happened with someone who believed them and did not judge was a real help for them.  As a matter of fact, it help all of us.

Our lives where finally starting to get back to normal but the scars remained.   I'd like to tell you that there is some magic potion that will give you life back, but there isn't.  It just takes time and the memories of what happened never really fades.  In a strange way we don't want them too.  We need to have them so it encourages us to continue our protection routines.   The fear of  having new  experiences was inspiration enough to never let our guard down.

With the exception of a few giggles from unseen children and a few things moving around, the house was calm.  Life was good and getting better.   Summer turned into Fall, Fall turned into Winter and the holidays were one of the best we had since we lived here.  Everyone was happy and healthy. 

We didn't talk about the show with anyone and things died down however that was about to change.  In late March of 2017, we got the call that our episode would be titled "Hell in the Heartland" and would air on May 6, 2017.   It would soon be publicly posted on the Travel Channel's website as well as promoted on The Dead Files social media pages.   As promised, our episode would be the season 8 premiere.

I knew some people in our town were still curious about the episode and when it would air.  Kearney is a small town and people talk.  It just takes one person to say something and it will spread like wildfire.   The curiosity about who had the haunted house was about to be revealed.

Our story was about to go public for the whole world to see.

Talk In A Small Town

Filming of our Dead Files episode had ended.  We worked through the pain of ridding ourselves of the entities who had terrorized us for nearly eight long years.   We were slowly getting our lives back as well as  learning and understanding our abilities.

After the experience with the paranormal team that helped turned our lives upside down, we became withdrawn.   We did not go out much, we did not talk about our experiences and we stopped trying to figure out what was happening.   We, for lack of better phrase, given up on all hope.  This was our new way of life and death would be our only escape.   We suffered in silence.

Even though we accepted the fact that being on the Dead Files and putting our story out there was our only hope, we were still nervous on how we would be viewed in our small town.  However, as I said in an earlier blog post,  this was our last chance.

When filming ended in early June of 2016, the producers of the show asked us not to talk about the our episode-no media, no social media post, no telling friends.   They said the Travel Channel likes to keep future episodes under wraps until the show is scheduled to air.    Our producer said it could up to 6 months before the airing of our episode, maybe even longer.

We welcomed the break.  We need time to recover and gain control.  So we had no problem being quiet.

Then it happened.  The local paper got wind that the Travel Channel had filmed in Kearney and ran a brief article about it.   The news of a haunted farm in the area caused quite a stir and everybody wanted to know where and who it was.   Thankfully, the producers didn't disclose it was us when the reporter pushed them for more details.  We were keeping our end of the deal too because when the article was published we were still working on getting someone one to come and help us.

DOING WHAT GOOD REPORTERS DO.  THEY DIG

Small town news is mostly gossip, small town politics, who is doing what and local high school sports.  Our town is no exception.  That means sometimes, you have to dig to find an interesting story.  That interesting story was who was going to be on the Dead Files.  At first, everyone thought it was going to be the Jesse James Farm.  That seemed like the logically choice given the history of Kearney.  However, the farm adamantly denied it was them and speculation begin to run wild on who it was.   As any good reporter would do, she started to dig.  Asking around, talking to people in the community, reaching back out to the production company.  People who knew we had issues started asking if it was us.  We didn't need the attention so we said it wasn't.

The reporter continued to push and speculation began that it may us started again.  I really thought if we just stayed quiet this would all calm down, but it didn't.   I knew I had to do something so I called the reporter.   I told her it was us and we were just trying to live a quiet life.  We were still recovering from everything.   We needed time to heal.  I gave her a very high level overview of what we had been dealing with for the past 8 years.   I made a deal with her that if she backed off we would give her the first interview once we were clear to talk about our show and experiences.  She agreed and things calmed down for us.

Now we could get back to the most important thing; recovering from what had happened to us.

We were still withdrawn, beaten down by eight years of unknown things haunting and terrorizing us.  We were tired, confused and looking within ourselves for the strength to continue.   As time went on, things improved but we were a long way from whole.  Just because the filming had ended and we followed Amy's recipe, the pain of the experience didn't go away.   We needed time and the break gave us that time.

That year long wait between filming and when our episode aired was the most critical time for us.  It meant getting back to good.

You Must Remain Silent

She was gone and he was gone.  However, residual energy remained and "visits" from good and bad were still occurring.   Much of this was due to the fact that we had not fully learned to protect ourselves.  We were still shell shocked about our experiences which also caused us to suffer PTSD.  Learning to protect ourselves and our surroundings was hard and talking about it was just as hard, if not harder.

We knew we need to get a handle on our situation or we would be right back to where we were before Amy, Steve, and the rest of The Dead Files team helped us.   This was easier said then done.

If you remembered from our episode, Amy said there was a path of dead walking in front of our house.  It was still there after she left and is still there to this day.   Before we became strong enough and fully learned how to protect ourselves, it was a daily battle to keep them from coming in.  At times, we could not keep them out.

We spent time studying.  Trail and error was our best educator because we learned that every situation was different and we're not experienced enough to differentiate between situations. The "who, what, where and how" was still a frustrating mystery for us.  We sought help of others but were careful of those others.   We got the girls in counseling with a psychotherapist because we knew that someone like that would be more open to their experiences.  We needed to get them back to us.

We would still hear the whispers of children in our home, still see the figures walk in front of our windows.  They came from all walks of "after" life.  Women, men, outlaws, slaves, children, young, old; all lost and all not knowing where to turn so they turned to us.   Our first challenge was determining who was good and who bad.   Who was just lost or who was intent on doing harm. The last thing we wanted was to cast someone out who truly turned to us for help.  However, we weren't good enough to distinguish that yet.  Even if they communicated they just wanted help, we could not trust them.

I can only recall once where we knew that one lost soul needed help.   It was the first positive life changing experience for us.

It was August 2016, about 2 months after the filming of our episode.   I heard our front storm door open and shut.   Thinking it was just Jennifer letting dogs in or out, I initially thought nothing of it.  Then I remembered that Jennifer was in the shower.   As I walked toward the front of the house, a pungent order hit me.   It smelled of someone who had been outside working all day in the hot summer sun.  I knew immediately that someone was in our house.

At first a sense of terrible anxiety hit me.   My first thought was "what do I do?"

Jennifer was out of the shower  by this time and I remember her saying, "someone was watching me in the shower."

"Someone's here" I whispered

Then I saw him.  A tall African American man dressed in torn up clothes as if they were handed down to him from past generation.

I was stumbled backwards, not know what to say or do.

"What!"  Jennifer asked with a sense of fear in her voice, "Who's here?"

I collected myself and said out loud, "who are you?  Why are you here?"

"I am looking for my family.  My wife and daughter", he said in a voice that sounded like the faded end of an echo. 

He went on to say, "I mean no disrespect.  I was told they came this way."

The heartbreak in his face was overwhelming.

I looked at Jennifer and said, "He's looking for his family.  That's all"

Jennifer and both quickly had the same thought, let's help him.   Jennifer started to talk to him and I prepared the Sage and incense.   She told him his family was not at our house and that they were probably still moving forward on the path. 

I began the cleansing I had learned.  Saying the blessings and prayers.  While directing them at him specifically.  I prayed for help and guidance so that he could be reunited with his family.  I told him that they had not stopped here but if he kept moving forward he would find them.  He just had to have faith.  I told him staying with us would not get him closer to his family but would only increase the distance between them.  I told him to go.  Go and find his family.

Just like that, he was gone.  The smell was gone, the anxiety was gone and so was our fear.

It was the first time that we had ever helped someone move on without someone helping us.

It was empowering and we finally knew how to keep the others silent.

All Bad Things Must Come To An End

She was gone, finally she was gone.  The dead woman who had tortured and terrorized our family for the past 8 years was no more.  However, there was one more thing we had to do.  An act of kindness which would prove difficult to stomach after all she had done to us.  We had to do a memorial for her at a place where she may had been buried prior to being moved to a cemetery near us.  That place was on the Southwest corner of our land.  Maybe she wasn't moved at all; maybe she was still under that huge oak tree;  maybe just a headstone was placed at the cemetery.  We will never truly know but what we did know was she was buried somewhere close to us.

The Reiki made it clear that the  memorial was something we must do to avoid any possibility of her coming back.  It would finally close the door to our suffering.  She told us we needed to do it that same evening, at sunset.  She said if she was still lingering she would be weak.  She would know that control had shifted to us.  So doing the memorial that evening would dash any hope she had of returning.

Still overwhelmed by what had just happened, the Reiki helped us with some calming and meditation exercises.  She wanted to give us some strength so we could do what we needed to done .   After she felt we were up to our next task, she was comfortable with leaving. 

"I feel you're ready now.  You're stronger than you were when I arrived.  This will be difficult emotionally for you, but it's the final step."  She said to us as we walked her to the door.

"Your next journey now begins.  The healing.  It will take time and just as much strength. You will have set backs, you may have visitors.  But you're more prepared than you were before.  Learn and understand your abilities. Don't shy away from them.  They're gifts you can use to protect yourself."  She went on to say.

"Heidi has a gift, a strong gift.  She needs to understand it & how to control it.  It can be a blessing or curse for her.  Work hard to make it a blessing."  She added as she opened her car door.

These words have been burned into my memory every since.

She never asked for money-not one dime.  Even when we asked her if we needed to pay her, she said no.  However, we insisted she take $100 for her time.  She took it, but was reluctant in doing so.

Sunset was coming and we were hurrying in putting a memorial service together.  We decided to keep it simple.  No heavy handed words would be spoken.  We would each say something but would keep short.

We went as a family carrying a candle, some flowers, and a pocket Bible.  It was a long walk to the spot but it felt like walk of freedom for us.  We all felt a sense of relief that this dark part of our lives was over.   We could finally be a happy and loving family again.  It had been a long time since we were one.

As we got the grave site, none of us said a word.   Heidi placed the flowers down near the headstone.  I placed the candle close to them.

"Can I light it Daddy?", Emi asked me.

"Of course."  I answered.

As Emi lite the candle, I begin to speak.  I told Etta that I hoped she was finally at peace.  I hoped that she found love, hope, and happiness.  Even though it was very difficult for me to say, I told her that I forgave her.

Jennifer, Heidi, and Emi all said something similar.  Each one of them ended with a word of forgiveness.

We finished by saying the Lord's Prayer.  That was it, we were done. 

The sun was setting as we made our way back to the house.  As I looked back, I could see the candle flickering rapidly.  Then, in an instant, it went out. 

I remembered thinking as I closed the gate to the Way Back pasture,  "Goodbye and good riddance Etta.  All bad things must come to an end."

Spiritual Confessions

Since Etta knew her time with us was nearly over, she was ready to talk.  An effort to cleanse her soul and to somehow try to justify all the things she had done.

At first she tried to speak to directly to everyone, however for some reason they couldn't hear her.  It upset her and she began to ramble; talking over herself again.  It was overwhelming me and causing a throbbing headache.

The Reiki notice my stress level rising.  When I told her what was happening. She spoke to Etta in a calm, reassuring voice.

"It's okay Etta, we all understand.  If you feel comfortable you can have Lance relay the messages.  You can speak your peace.  However before you do, I demand that you release Heidi.  Breaking any and ties you have on her as well as releasing any kind of claim you feel you have to her.  Do you understand?"  She said calmly.

"I understand" she whispered

At that point, she started telling everything she had done.  She said she was responsible for all of Heidi's aliments and issues.  She said she was jealous of her; her beauty, intelligence, and artistic talents.   Heidi was everything she wanted to be and she wanted the same attention for herself that I was showing Heidi.  She felt the only way to claim my attention was to divert it from her.  That meant trying kill her by any means possible.

Now, she understands that was wrong.  She was sorry that her actions caused Heidi to become frail and sickly.

"Please tell her that I am truly sorry for the pain I caused her. I beg for her forgiveness."  She said

She then began to speak about Emi.  She whispered that she was so sweet and innocent.  Even though she was jealous of the attention she got from me, she couldn't bring herself to harm her.  She tried being a friend to her and tried showing a side of herself that she hadn't shown to others.  However, she said she was sorry if she had scared her.

Her tone then changed to one filled with regret and sorrow as she begin to address Jennifer.

"I took the baby", she whispered, "I could not stand that you were with his child."

It was so difficult to tell Jennifer because had already been through so much.  Losing a child to miscarriage is heartbreaking but knowing someone else caused it just adds another heavy layer of heartache to it.  It was so painful to see her face as I told her what Etta had done.  She lowered her head and shook it slowly.  I could feel her emotional pain shoot through me like a cold wind.

Etta went on to say that she had caused all of Jennifer's other health problems;  unexplained weight gain, thinning hair, thyroid issues, failed gallbladder, depression, and all the other aliments.   Etta thought if she took her health it would cause me to leave.  If that failed, she felt the issues would kill her.  Either way, Etta would have me and that was her goal.

Etta went on to say she wanted everyone gone, only leaving me.  She said she was willing to do everything possible to terrorize, harm, destroy our family.   She mentioned she caused the mental breakdown issues with our oldest daughter, Londyn.  She said she terrorized Chloe and drove the divide between us.  Hoping Chloe would leave; runaway.

Her confessions gave us some closure and gave us answers to why we had all the issues.   She apologized repeatedly.

"I just wanted the joy of the family you had.  I thought if I had you, I could have that same joy."  She said to me and I relayed to the group.

She said she wrong to cause my pain and trying to drive me to suicide. It was selfish of her but she wanted the life that Jennifer and the girls had.  She wanted me to give her that life even it meant killing me to get it.

"Are you ready to go Etta?" the Reiki said softly.

There was a pause in the room.  No noise.  No words spoken.  finally Etta whispered, "will you pray for me?  will you remember me?"

"Of course we will", I told her.

"Do they forgive me?", she wanted to know.

We all told her we did and we just wanted her to be at peace.  We told her there would be loving family members waiting on her.

"Will he be there?  I fear him and do not feel safe." She insisted on knowing.

I could only assume that she was talking about the Hat Man.

"No, he won't follow you.  You'll be safe"

The Reiki opened her arms and asked Etta to come to her.  She told her it was time to go, time to move on.  She was forgiven and it meant she could leave.

"Goodbye.  You have a beautiful family please take care of the girls.  Raise them Christian."  I heard her saw as her voice begin to fade.

It was the last words I heard her speak.

The room brightened as the Sunlight beamed through the windows.  The Reiki took a deep breath and she rocked back in the chair.

The air in the room was clean and fresh.  It hadn't felt that way in very long time.

"She's gone" I said

"yes, she's gone." The Reiki said.

Our relief was overwhelming.   It was like having a 1,000 pound weight lifted off us.

The Reiki told us we had one more thing we needed to do.  We need to have memorial for her, a ceremony of sorts.  It would provide closure for her and more importantly, closure for us.  It would allow us to begin our long road to recovery.

The thought of having a memorial for Etta was difficult to stomach especially given everything that she had done.

It was the first true step on our journey to recovery.  Thankfully, we now had the map to get there but the road would be long and difficult navigate.

Coming Forward

The Reiki was scheduled for late in the afternoon.  The day had finally come for the crazy woman to move on to wherever she needed to go.  I was nervous and anxious;  counting the minutes until the appointment.

Everything we had done up to this point to protect ourselves seemed to be working.  The house was quieter, we felt more at ease, and the screaming had changed to a soft whimpering cry.  The end was near and she seemed to know it.

It was a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky.  The weather had been calm for nearly a week so we couldn't have timed the Reiki session any better.  We didn't talk about the Reiki coming while we were in the house.  Even though Etta knew she was coming, we didn't want her to know today was the day.

Although I was still angry at the crazy woman, I couldn't help but to feel slight empathy for her.  We knew that she died on the property but the circumstances surrounding her death were questionable.  Was she murdered?  Was it suicide? A tragic accident?  All Amy could tell us was that she felt her death was a mistake and that the true facts were covered up.  I couldn't help but imagine the pain and sorrow she must had felt.  However, none of this changed my true feelings toward her.  I wanted her gone and wanted her to stop slowly killing us.   Despite my empathy towards her, I felt no remorse sending her away by any means possible.

REIKI MASTER IN THE HOUSE!

She was finally here!  For the first time ever, we felt that our nightmare was about to come to an end.

She paused as she entered the house.  "I feel souls here.  One who feels trapped, the other feels as if they're a prisoner."

"One is angry.  One is confused and scared.  They lash out.  One feels threatened by the other."  She added.

She wanted to get a sense of what was happening and who was there.  She asked if she could walk around the house in order to get a feel for the emotions it held.  She asked us not to guide her or give her information.   She didn't want anything to distract her.

"Who is this?  Why is she here?" Etta whispered in my ear.

"Are you trying to send me away?  I will not speak with her!" She added as we all made our way to living room.

The Reiki asked to sit facing north and took the rocking chair facing that direction.   She told she could feel the crazy woman here but she wouldn't speak to her.  She felt she was confused and angry.

She began to speak to her.  In a calming voice at first, then in a sterner tone.  She spoke as if she was in the room standing next to her. 

"I know you're hurting.  I know you think you find comfort here.   You need to come forward"  She said in a calming tone. 

Then her tone changed.  "You need to come forward.  You cannot stay here.  This is no longer where you live. It's just where you're from and it's time to move on."

I felt the tension and anxiety in the air.  The house started feeling heavy.   A sadness began to overcome me as I started to tune out what the Reiki was saying.  Etta was there, I could feel her next to me and felt a touch on my face.

"I am sorry." I heard her whisper.

She was listening to the Reiki and she was scared.  The realization that she knew she was going to leave was overwhelming to her.  She became emotional; full of fear.   It was the first time I really sensed her emotionally.  It became overwhelming to me as she was talking faster with a level of panic.

"Will he be there!?!"  She said. 

I told her I didn't know who she was talking about.  The Reiki responded that she was going to a place where no one would harm her.  She would be at peace.

"When did you die?  What happened?  I need to know so I can help you."  The Reiki asked.

She didn't know.  She didn't understand what had happened to her.  She had no concept of time.  She told me her days never ended.  She had no memory of days, weeks, or years.  Time didn't exist to her.  No past, no present, no future.

She tried to talk to the others in room but only I could hear her.

"Why can they not hear me!?!  She screamed at me.

"I don't know.  I don't know."  I fearfully said out loud to her.   "Talk to them through me, I'll tell them what you say."

Calmness came back into the room.  It was peaceful.   I felt her sitting next to me again.  She began to open up emotionally. 

She wanted to talk to us, tell us everything.   She wanted to explain.  What she had to say would finally answer questions about what we had been through. 

She wanted to confess; she wanted forgiveness.