Unsettling experiences from a loving wife & mother

 Walking on Pins and Needles

The findings of odd objects is a common occurrence in and around our home.  During times when activity is high I often find nails all over the walkways outside.  Lance is not really a builder of things, so dropping numerous nails in the dog area is not something He might do by accident.  He also knows how pissed I would be if he were to make this mistake, and he doesn’t like Angry Jennifer.  These are either really old antique looking nails, or shiny silver nails I don’t recognize.  I feel pretty certain they were dropped by a spirit who dropped by to cause harm just for fun.

Just recently, Lance steps on a sewing needle right out of bed and then finds a rustic old square nail in the horses water trough.

2019

Master bedroom

I once found a large amount of sewing pins on the floor by our closet.  Moving a comforter to see if I had picked them all up, I found an even larger amount inside he folded comforter.  This comforter was being used as a dog bed and had no reason to have needles all in it.

Pranks of fear

When my daughter Londyn was around 12 she used to suffer from ghosty pranks in the bathtub.  The bathroom is a tiny one from 1969, with old wooden vanity drawers.  She would have the drawer open to hold her cellphone, and on occasion it would slam shut on her hand if she reach into it.  Needless to say it was not funny nor pleasant for her.  She always felt someone staring at her as she bathed which is never a good feeling.  We always had a clear shower curtain to help all of us feel safer while in the bath.  

Naked and Afraid

I remember clearly feeling a presence standing in my shower while I showered.  I recall these times clearly, as it was after we had scheduled Amy Allen to investigate our home.  It was very trying, with many angry and scared spirits showing themselves, trying to deter our decision to clear out the spirit world.  

When you have a spirit in your space there is no mistaking it.  I too never felt alone in the shower or bedroom.  I remember feeling vulnerable and pushing through my fears knowing there was nothing I could do.  It made intimate moments very difficult.  No one wants an audience during sex, especially when you’re already fighting to find private moments between your kids busting in the room or banging on your door when they need something.  

The time I told Lance about my feeling in the shower, I found him very distraught.  He then told me an angry back man stood in his face demanding he give him his wife  back and tell him where she was.  Then followed that threat by telling him that he had a nice looking wife and if he didn’t return his wife that he would take me.  There was no mistaking his anger and the fear he instilled in Lance.  If you watched the show, you heard Amy state that she saw a lot of people walking up and down our sidewalk just outside out home.  This man was just one of the many who wandered into our home, lost and confused as we were, as to why they were stuck-in our house, and not knowing how to find their way home.

No Calm Before The Storm

During the 8 years of struggling before Amy’s arrival at our home, we lived in the whirlwind of visiting spirits, some pleasant(beautiful women peeking in windows), some friendly(little Sarah, an orphan who followed Lance around and called him Daddy, and played with Heidi’s hair while she sat in bed), some relatives(my father and Lance’s),some played with toys and giggled(children), some cried tears of sadness, begging to go home(young teen boy), screams of horror(female victim of a violent ritual), some violently resentful(the jealous Etta Davis who wanted my man for herself, and the rest of us dead) and some with heavy boots stomping through our kitchen at all hours of the night.  There was rarely a day without some sort of unexpected guest/intruder.

Before the Dead Files arrival we had to clear the property of all animals but the horse.  We had 30 dogs.  So the day before they arrived, we piled all of our tiny herd of schnauzers and two big dogs in the truck, and headed off to Grandma’s house.  The storm that hit was dark and scary, just like the angry outlaw spirits who lived on our ranch.  Maya and Ashby can vouch that it was bad, because they had to ride in the truck bed and they were None too happy!!!  The spirit world’s fury was growing by the minute and the storm was raging.  

Being that we knew our property had issues with spirits, we went out to dinner to escape the stress of it all.  Your probably thinking Oh Yeah, that would give you a break.  You’d be wrong!  One night we decided to eat out in Kearney, at a little cafe called JJ’s.  The food was great and the people were friendly.  During our dinner, Lance looks down at his lap, and then shakes his head looking very angry.  I asked him what was wrong.  He couldn’t say in front of the kids.  I could see he was extremely upset.  Later he told me that he heard the voice of an angry outlaw demanding he stop Amy Allen from coming or we would be suffering some very painful consequences.  This was Cole Younger, a member of the famous Younger Gang, speaking loud and clear to Lance.  It was clear to us that a war was imminent. It probably didn’t help our case that we were native Texans living in The Hometown of The Outlaw Jesse James.  

Angelic Soul Reboot

I haven't posted in a while as life has gotten in the way.  The holidays, work, raising kids, and just general all around daily life keeps me from doing things.  Anyway, that's neither here or there.

It can be hard to write about things now that the main issues are no longer issues.   The activity now is mild and tame compared to the hell we experienced.  That's a good thing because it is not something I ever want to experience again.

I tend to think that the post-haunting storm things are trivial and somewhat boring.  So, I don't write about them because I think all the blog readers might find it dull to read about a piece of paper just floating from a countertop to a desk.  

I will still always write about major things.   Things that scare us and make us feel unsafe will always be a blog topic.

This brings me to today's blog post.  A realization of sorts, call it a spiritual awakening, rebirth, divine intervention, or whatever.  I lean towards an  Angelic Soul Reboot.

My life has always been in somewhat of flux.  It was a constant struggle to distinguish reality versus illusion. For the longest time I didn't really understand why but, now I firmly believe it was influenced by some sort of paranormal activity.   I want to be clear that I am not using this as an excuse for all the terrible things I have done in the past.  At the end of the day, it was, and still is, my responsibility to control my actions.  In some ways I did, in others I did not.  However, I now have come to realize that there may have been something whispering in my ear.  I should have acknowledged it and dealt with it however I really wasn't aware of  it until after our haunting experiences.  Once you realize what is happening you can fix it and get the "good guys" to help you instead of the evil ones.  You just need the weapons for the battle.

Over the past month or so, I've started meditating.  Clearing my mind of negativity and evil influences; opening myself up more.  As I got better on focusing my energy, I started hearing someone talking to me.  Sometimes in my head, sometimes through my ears.  It started as a whisper, one I could barely hear, but over time it became clearer and more distinct.  It is a calm loving voice. I can't tell you if it was male or female because it really doesn't seem to have a human form.  I would describe it as musical in nature.  Best example I can come up with is when you hear someone playing a piano.  You recognize the words of the song coming through the piano but you don't actually hear them, you just feel them.  Terrible example so I hope you understand.

It's a teaching voice, a spiritual guide.  The first lesson was encouraging me to stop thinking I'm perfect, because I'm not.  Learn from others, accept their guidance.  Even if I disagree, I was told to take the pieces that would help me improve.   Love unconditionally without the expectation of something in return and ease the burden of others, even if it's just a kind word or a smile.

I was told I was in a safe place.  That the negative influencers were being held at bay by the guiding voice.  It said it would eventfully overrun them, pushing them out, as long as I continued to listen to the guidance.   

After awhile I completely opened up, absorbing every word. It's teaching me to overcome the spirits that want to do intentional  harm as well as those who unknowingly cause harm by just being here.

Angel, positive spirit, or my imagination?  Who knows what is it, I don't question it.  I just believe in it.   I do know this, that I would have never gotten to this point unless I opened myself up and accepted the abilities I have.  I also acknowledge the haunting experiences we had, although terrifying,  contributed to this awaking.

Accept the fact that your life can be better but also accept that it is a journey with no final destination.  

Spousal Experiences

I got some Facebook questions from longtime blog reader Jessica McNear regarding the blog post Puzzle Pieces

"Has your wife had experiences in her past? And when you’re traveling for work, has she had experiences at home like the one you had with the basement door and footsteps up and down?"

Yes, Jennifer has had past experiences.  She was raised in a much more open and accepting environment than I was. Her mother and aunt would use Ouija Boards and have sceances which lead to her hearing voices and seeing unexplained things.  Jennifer is also very sensitive to smells and will smelled things when others don't.

One particular incident happened when her aunt passed away a few years ago.  Jennifer went to Texas for the funeral.  During the service, she said that she was overwhelmed with the smell of her aunt's perfume; like she was sitting right next to her.  She said she could actually feel her presence.

Jennifer will also smell her father at times.  Either cigarette smoke or his after-shave.  

As for her experiencing things while I'm traveling, yes, there has been incidences.  Lights have turned on and off, things go missing, things will move on their own.

While I was out of town one time, she said that the blinds in the living room started to rattle and then would open and close.  She felt like it was someone trying to look outside the window.

She has also seen shadow figures walking around the outside of the house.  She saw one that walked past the living room windows and then around to the front side walk.  When she went outside to see who it was, no one was there. 

These are just a few of the things that she has experienced.  I will get her to write about her experiences and also elaborate on the ones that I mentioned.

"Have you ever been paralyzed by fear?"

I got the comment below to the most recent post, Puzzle Pieces.   I decided to respond with a blog entry since it was going to be an answer longer than just a few sentences.

"That is crazy! Have you ever been paralyzed by fear? You can't move, talk or anything! When my aunt was dying of cancer in 1978, I was the only person she would let get her up to go to the bathroom or whatever she needed. I lived in the country ( that house I told you about earlier). My son was 4 at the time, and he was the only child she would let on the bed with her, she wouldn't even let her own grandkids on the bed. After a few months, we list my aunt to the cancer. My aunt was old school, always wearing dresses with the full apron that you had to put over your head to get on. Shortly after her funeral, I awoke at about 3am for no reason. When I opened my eyes, my aunt was standing in my bedroom doorway! I know this might sound crazy, but she had a white aura all around her body!! As I said, I was paralyzed with fear knowing that she had passed away, yet there she was in my bedroom doorway!!! I don't know if she had a message for me, or came to me to let me know she was now at peace. I am thinking she sensed my fear, and the next thing I knew, she was gone. I wish I hadn't been so fearful, because now I will never know why she came to me. My husband thinks to this day I am crazy and was dreaming. What, if anything do you think? I would really like your opinion if you have one."

I always feel I should add the disclaimer that I am not a paranormal expert.  My opinion is based solely on my experiences and what I have learned over the years. 

First off, I don't think you're crazy at all.  There are things that we just don't understand how or why they happen.  I believe that there's a world out there beyond ours and even though we know exists, we have yet to discover it.  For us as human beings, living souls, to think there is nothing beyond what we see in front of us is nonsensical.   So, crazy?  No.  Sensitive?  Yes

I have been frozen in fear many times over the years.  It was paralyzing.  I couldn't move, speak, or even react to what was happening.  My whole body would become numb and my brain would shut down.  It was like hitting the pause button. 

Now that I understand and accept who I am, I don't find myself experiencing fear paralysis as much when things happen around me. I touched on this somewhat in "Continuous Adventures Journey".  It's all about understanding  you can still control your surrounding environment despite what happens.  It comes down to three things.

• Acceptance
• Understanding
• Action

I may touch on these more in a future blog post but for now, back to this entry.

Over the course of our lifetime we develop strong relationships with others.  Those relationships center around love, hope, happiness, caring, and tragedy.  Sharing these events and emotions with others builds very strong emotional ties.  These don't go away when someone passes, they remain.  Some people continue to feel the person with them but some feel nothing at all.

In your case, you had a bond with your aunt that transcends dimensions. It's was, and still is, a extremely strong and emotional connection.  Her visiting you was her way of continuing that relationship; strengthening it.  Maybe now it's her turn to take care of you.

You mentioned you saw a white aura around her.  To me, white is angelic, it symbolizes purity and peace. So when you thought her message was that she was at peace, that could have very well been the case.

As I mentioned, your bond with aunt is strong.  She's probably still looks in on you from time to time.  Open yourself up and you may see her again.

Puzzle Pieces

Ever since I accepted the fact that I have abilities, things have started to come together.  It is like finding the missing pieces to my life's jigsaw puzzle.  The missing pieces are those that I locked away deep inside my mind, not wanting to accept them for what they were and what they meant.

Sometimes, I feel as if I wasted a part of life by denying what had happened.  I pushed aside my abilities instead of embracing them and then, over time, learned to suppress them.   Looking back, I guess I was scared of being different or labeled as a freak.  

When I was growing up, paranormal experiences were not as accepted as they are today.  Stories of ghost and demons were told in Hollywood movies and parents would tell their children, 'oh, it's not real, there's not such things as ghost'. 

I am now able to reconcile several unexplained experiences from my youth.  It's a good feeling, those "aha moments" which gives me some closure in the form of a missing puzzle piece.

A couple of experiences from when I was growing up are now pieces that I'm finally able to fit into the puzzle.

Window To The Other Side

My father was in the Air Force which meant we moved around, but I was more fortunate than other Military Brats as we didn't move around a lot. We did however move and that's hard on a child growing up, especially for me as I was an only child.  Having no siblings meant that I didn't have that support that others had; I was, at times, my only friend.

Being an only child in a new place caused me to withdraw and keep to myself.  To compensate, I'd open up in other ways.  My mind would become open and things would come forward.  I was very fortunately that fear would close my mind when things got a little too frightening.  On the flip side, my curiosity would allow things that gave me some peace to hang around.  I recall countless spirits of children that kept me company until I made real friends.  It was a new twist to imaginary friends.

I have never slept well, I always seem to wake up for some reason or another.  This was true even as I was growing up.  I would wake  up in the middle of night and lay in bed; trying hard to go back to sleep.  If I couldn't fall back to sleep, I would get up and look out my window.  I found it peaceful and relaxing because everything was so calm.

One night I woke up because a thunderstorm was moving through.  I couldn't fall back to sleep because each lighting strike would light up my room like a camera flash.  I went to the window to watch the lighting in sky.  It was amazing to watch the streaks of lighting move through the clouds.  The bolts were so strong that it literally turned the night into day.   There was one bolt that stuck close to the house and it lite up the whole street.  It was then I noticed someone standing in the street.  I thought why would someone be outside in this storm.  Then there was another strike and I could see clear as day that it was a woman.  She was wearing a long black flowing dress, like an evening dress as if she was going to formal party.  

My eyes were glued to her.  She was just standing in the middle of the road, her back to me.  Even with the lighting all around her, she didn't flinch.  It was as if she didn't even realize there was a storm at all.

After watching her for what seemed like an eternity, she finally moved.  She didn't seem to walk but glide, I saw nothing that resembled a walking motion. The storm had passed and the thunder & lighting were far away in the distance.  The night time sky had cleared and I could see the stars.  Suddenly, out of nowhere,  there was a blinding bolt of lighting along with a loud clamp of thunder.  I could see the bolt strike close to her.  She appeared to grab it and then she was gone.  It was like she used it to carry herself away.

I recall not being scared at all.  I remember a peaceful feeling after she left.  It was like I knew everything was fine.  I went back to bed and as I was laid there I kept asking myself, who was she?  Was she from another dimension?  Was she a spirit?  Did she use the energy of the storm to travel?

After all these years, I finally realize she WAS the storm. She controlled it.

Now, I find myself looking for her in every storm that passes.

Up A Creek

All teenagers have that one local urban myth.  Be it abandoned house that was the scene of some horrifying crime that is now haunted or something that lives in the woods and comes out when called by a certain name.

But what if the myth was actually more fact than fiction?

When I was in high school we had such a myth.  It was a small church on a dark country road that was close to a creek.   The myth was that it was a "Devil Church" and that a cult would do human sacrifices there.  In order to hide their victims, the cult would bury them under an assumed name with made up dates in a cemetery across from the church.  Myself and some buddies would always find our way there to scare our girlfriends.

The creek that ran close to the cemetery was called Bull Creek and the road by the church didn't have a bridge over it at the time.  It had a dip in the road with a culvert and had a flood gauge post on each side.  If you stop at the flat part of the culvert, you could see far down each of side of the creek.

One night,  my best friend and I, along with two girls from school, decided to take trip to the church.  Once we got there, we decided to park and get out and do a little ghostly sightseeing.  My friend and I took turns at scaring the girls as we walk around the church and cemetery.

My buddy went around the back of the church with the rest of us staying close to the front.  All the sudden he came running back towards us, scared out of his mind.

"Let's get out of here!"  he screamed as he ran by us heading for the car.

I remember that was enough encouragement the rest us of to join him.

He was pale white, like something has scared the life out of him.   I asked what happened, what did he see.

"Someone...something is in..the back of church...inside"  He said, struggling to put a sentence together.

By this time we all freaking out.  My friend is fumbling for his keys as the girls are screaming for us to get out of there.  Just as he starts the car, we hear screaming coming from the church.  My buddy floors it and we speed down the road.  He had to slow down as we got to dip in the road where it goes over the creek.  By this time, we had calmed down  and we all start to give my buddy some grief about what happened.  Maybe he saw an animal, maybe the scream was owl or something else, maybe he just imagined it.

"I swear it was someone in the church.  It scared the shit out of me." he said defending himself.

As we got to the flat part of dip, we could see down creek.  Suddenly the all the lights on the car went out and as we looked down the creek bed, we saw two red glowing eyes flash at us. They were hovering about 10 to 12 feet off the top of the creek and were about the size of basketballs.

I screamed, the girls screamed, my friend floors the accelerator and we speed off.  Thankfully, this was a road that we were familiar with because we drove without headlights for about a quarter of a mile.  As we got closer to a main road, all the lights in the car came back on all on their own.

"Do we want to talk about what just happened?"  my friend asked us.

"No" one of the girls said softly.

"I don't either" I replied.

As I look back on this experience I've learned that every myth or legend is rooted in some sort of real event.

The trick is to distinguish the fact from fiction.

  

Continuous Adventurous Journey

Navigating our new lives has been many things; challenging, painful, enlightening, wonderful, and scary.  It has meant not only changing who we are, but accepting what we are as well as what happens around us. 

One of the major things we had to change was accepting the fact that regardless how hard we try to protect ourselves, something will always sneak by us.  Despite all our best efforts, things still happen in our house and, sometimes, even the places we go.  The key to acceptance is understanding that we can still control our environment.  

Something recently happened that put this philosophy to the test.  

I usually wake  up before everyone else on Saturdays. With no phone calls or meetings, it's a great chance for me to catch up on work tasks that I didn't get a chance to finish up during the week.   It's just a relaxing time that also gives me chance to relax and breath a little.  This particular Saturday was no different.  I enjoyed some coffee, answered a few work emails, and caught up on the news of the week.  I had some plans to do some things outside because it was such a beautiful day.  I knew I need to take advantage of the nice weather as snow was in the forecast for the next week.

I was sitting on the couch reading some news articles when I heard a door open in the back part of the house and footsteps walking towards the living room.  I didn't give it much thought as I figured it was just someone waking up. I went back to doing what I was doing when I noticed the door leading to the basement was opening and shutting.  I would open slightly, then slam shut. 

Before I accepted this as something paranormal, I needed to think logically.  Were the footsteps related to the basement door opening and shutting?  Was there something material causing the door to do what it was doing?  A draft?  A dog?

I realized that everyone was still asleep and if Jennifer had gotten up for any reason the dogs would have gone bananas.  Heidi and Emi were still sound asleep so it wasn't either of them.  

Our basement is unfinished and does not have a walk out like the newer homes do.  It has three port hole type of windows in the back, away from the entrance.  All the windows were shut and there was no breeze at all coming from them.   The basement entrance has two doors.  The first door leads to the stairway and there is another door at the bottom of the stairs that leads into the basement.  I made sure that both doors were shut tightly and didn't open when pulled or pushed.

From Left to Right.  The door leading from the living room to the stairway, the door to the basement, the stairway down to the basement.

At this point, I decided everything was just my imagination as I had been overly sensitive lately to things in my environment.  I dismissed it all and went back to my reading.

After five minutes, I heard a door open again in the back of the house and footsteps walking toward the living room.  I jumped up and went into the kitchen to see if anyone was there.  Nothing, no one.  I checked again and everyone was still asleep.  As I went back to the couch, I notice the door leading the basement was cracked open.  I knew I shut it and double checked it to make sure it was tightly closed. I looked down the stair way to make sure the other door was still closed.  I closed the stairway door and pushed it firmly a few times just to make sure.  I even made sure I couldn't pull it open.

By this time, I was a little freaked out. I had no idea what was going on or what was going to happen next.  I regained my composure and reminded myself that things just happen to us.  It doesn't necessary mean bad things.

"You're welcome here as long as you behave and don't cause any trouble.  If cannot abide by these conditions then you must move on.  If you want to go in the basement, you can but, I would be very careful as it's a mess and I wouldn't want you to get hurt", I said with a calm confidence.

I felt this allowed me to regain control of the environment as well as set hard ground rules.  At the first sign of any sort of distress or discomfort on my part, I would take the steps to remove whatever it was roaming the house.

I stood in the kitchen entry for a little while just to see if I could hear the footsteps or doors opening and closing.  After about 5 minute of nothing, I figured whatever it was decided to leave or take a break.  Either way, I was fine with it and went back and sat down on the couch.

After a few minutes, I heard a door in the back the house, then footsteps coming into the living room and finally the door to the basement stairway started again.  I didn't say anything or react but I did decide to record video of the door.

At this point, I'd had enough.  I was starting to feel a little panic set it and my fear level was starting to rise. I had this feeling that, whatever it was was either trapped in the basement and trying to get out or was trying to go into the basement.  Without warning, an overwhelming anxiety rushed through me.  I knew I needed to get away from it and decided to go outside for a while.

"Time to go", I said as started to head my way outside.

I stopped at the back door and said, "This means you too, time for you to get out the fuck out of my house!"

Even though I was scared to death and my heart was pounding, I said it with a firm level of confidence and without hesitation.

Once outside, I walked down the drive and opened the gate.

"Bye, hope you find what you're looking for because it's not here.  Don't come back!", I said as I slammed the gate shut.

As you can see, life remains an adventurous journey for us.  Thanks to Amy Allan, the entire Dead Files crew, and a long list of some many others who have helped along the way, it's a journey we're able to navigate now because we have the map.

What About Those Who Lived There Before you?

The comment below to our most recent blog entry really made me think.  

"It's interesting to realize you were always OPEN to the paranormal. I too had a few small things that happened to me in the past. Nothing big like seeing someone, like you. I had just heard my name called in my ear a couple of times, but it showed me, as I look back, that I was OPEN for the experience I had when I moved into the house I live in now that came with it's own ghost! Do you think people who have never had any experiences, don't believe in such things, are TOTALLY closed minded, would have any such experience with the paranormal if they weren't open to it? Could they have lived in your house or mine and NEVER seen or heard ANYTHING? Hmmm. Great post, Love reading everything you write!"

First, I have to says thanks for the compliment.  I do not consider myself a writer at all and it always makes me smile when someone enjoys reading what I write.  At the end of the day, I'm just telling our story; hoping that it will continue to help in our recovery but also help others who are experiencing something similar.

When our experiences where at it's heights, I often wondered if the people who lived in our house/land before us ever experience anything.  I thought to myself they had to have something happen because what was going on was so obvious to us.

The owners previous to us lived in the house for 15 years.  I was certain that if they lived here that long that they had to have witnessed something.  The previous owner is actually our insurance agent so one day I reached out to him.   It was difficult for me to start the conversation because, let's face it, it sounded crazy and insane.  However we have a good relationship so I was able to bring it up fairly easily.  Surprisingly he didn't think I was crazy and was open minded.  He said they never experienced anything out of the ordinary.  He thought long and hard about it before he answered completely.  I could tell he was really trying to remember.   That gave me some solace that at least he was willing to dig through his memories to try to help.  In the end, he couldn't recall anything.  He told me he would ask his wife and daughters if they had any weird things happened but unfortunately a few days later he let me know that they hadn't.  Since the owners before them had passed away,  I couldn't talk to them and was left with more questions than answers.  

I continued trying to rationalize what was happening.  Given that we seemed to be the only ones who had ever experienced paranormal activity here left me questioning our mental health.  Were we just crazy or was their something else causing our meltdown?  The logical next step was to check for something material that could cause this nightmare;  mold, radon, carbon monoxide, etc?  I read back through the home inspection, nothing...nothing that would explain what was happening.  No mold.  No radon.  No carbon monoxide. No lead.  Nothing that would explain our mental health decline or deterioration of our physical health.   

I was out of logical explanations options at this point  How could we see things that others could not?  How is that possible?

We are different

I finally accepted that what were experiencing was real.  I began to realize that we were "different", not crazy.  We saw the world differently than others.  Not only were we different than others, we are also different within our family unit.  Some of us are Empaths.  Some, Sensitives. Some, Mediums.  Also, we all have some sort of Psychic Ability with each one being different.  We were the perfect recipe for the paranormal.

The problem with this is we didn't understand what we were which meant we had no clue why things were happening to us.  It was similar to being on a runaway horse.  Since we absolutely no understand of why we were paranormal targets, we couldn't stop it. 

We finally began to realized who and what we were.  It took being on The Dead Files to finally get the answers we needed to understand.  Without Amy Allan's help and guidance during our episodes reveal, I often think that we were heading down path of destruction.   (You can read about the full story of our episode's reveal in these blog entries.  The Reveal:  Part One, The Reveal:  Part Two, The Reveal:  Part Three, The Reveal:  Part Four.)

I think everyone has abilities but they have to realize and accept them in order to experience things.  It's all because people are closed minded. I feel there are 3 types of closed minded people.

• Those who are closed minded because they refuse to believe.

These folks cannot see beyond their own beliefs; be it religious or scientific.  Until they accept the possibility that there are other realms or dimensions they will continue to deny everything.

• Those who are closed without realizing their closed.

These folks believe but they don't fully believe.  They feel that nothing will ever happen to them but they believe some of the things that happen to others.  They may experience small things from time to time but rationalize a way to dismiss it.   If they would just fully commit to the belief that there is more out there than just us, their world would open up.  I think this is where most people fall.  If you feel you're in this category; embrace your belief.  It's in the back of your mind don't suppress it.  Embrace it.

• Those that unintentionally close themselves.

There are those out there who believe so deeply and passionately.   They want so badly to experience something; anything.  They push themselves so hard mentally that they shut themselves off and their  high emotions act as spiritual repellents.  They just need to relax, clear their minds and center themselves.  It will happen if they just observe and don't force the action.

Now, keep in mind, this is just my opinion.  I only base it off our experiences and observations.   There are a lot of wonderful people out there who are experts in the paranormal field who may have different opinions.  

Even though we are not experts, we are survivors.  That should account for something. 

It All Makes Sense Now

As I continue to navigate through some unexplained and scary memories, they are all are starting to make sense now.  The unexplained has now become the explained and the scariness is not as scary. 

I always had this feeling there was something or someone watching me but would always dismiss it to my imagination or just the fact that what I was experiencing was just not possible.  That was frustrating because I knew deep down that something happened but, because of my narrow thinking, I would dismiss it.  All that did was add to the "what if" anxiety.

Even as my family was going through the hell of our haunting, I was still trying to rationalize and debunk everything that was happening.  It took something targeted directly towards me for me to finally come around.  I wrote about that epiphany in "Can You Hear Me Now!".  My eyes are open now and explanations of things that happened throughout my life are making sense.  It's a good feeling to finally have some reconciliation of past experiences.  It gives me some closure.

I am finally able to close the books on one memory in particular.  It's one that I don't think I have ever shared with anyone.

I have family in Michigan and I went to visit them one Summer when I was a teenager.  Even though didn't visit my father's side of the family often, I still felt close to all of them.  To me it was a different world than what I was use to; different climate, different accents, and a different lifestyle.  I was also excited about the chance to escape the summertime heat of Texas.

My family there lives in and around a very small town that has a population of about 800. It's one of those quaint upper Midwest towns you see on the Hallmark channel.   Everyone knows everyone and everyone gets along.

My grandmother lived in a small two story house just off the main road through downtown.  I loved that house.  It just seemed to have the historic vibe to it and had a unique layout.  My grandmothers bedroom was down stairs and the two other rooms were upstairs.  The two upstairs rooms were separated by a door and you had to walk to through one to get to the other.  Like I said, a unique layout but also a somewhat inconvenient one.

Not only was the town old but, my grandmother's house was old too.  I don't quite know how old it was but it had that old time feel.  I guess something like that is a recipe for something and that's what happened.

I would sleep in the front upstairs bedroom as I felt uncomfortable in the back bedroom.  I would keep the door closed between the two rooms because of that uncomfortable feeling.  As I was starting to drift off to sleep one night, I remember hearing some shuffling downstairs.  I didn't think much of it, I figured it was just my grandmother.  I rolled over and fell asleep.  

I remember waking up in the middle of the night, the room was lite up from the light of the moon and my grandmothers dog had somehow found her way onto my bed.  I figured it was her that woke me up and I put her down on the floor but she jumped right back up.  Instead of fighting with her about her sleeping arrangements, I just let her lay at my feet.  I was starting to fall back to sleep when I hear something in the other bedroom.  It sounded like someone walking around but it stopped as I became more alert.  I chalked it up to the fact that my mind was starting to drift off and it was the beginning of a dream.

Then, out of nowhere, the door opened.  It was a loud squeaky door so it woke me up rather quickly.  Startled, I sat up and looked through the door to other room but saw nothing.  I figured I hadn't shut it well and it just opened because the house settled.  I got up, closed the door and I made sure it closed tightly. 

As the dog and I were getting comfortable, the door opened again.  I sat up and in the moonlight, I could see a figure of a man standing in the doorway.  He was huge and filled up the whole door frame. I sat there paralyzed.  The dog saw him too and began to growl.  Then the door closed and I could hear footsteps walking away from the door.

I was terrified.  I grabbed the dog, a blanket, and pillow and went downstairs.  I laid on the couch (the Davenport as my grandmother called it) but didn't sleep the rest of that night as my eyes stayed focused on the bottom of the stairs.

I slept on the couch every night afterwards as I just felt too scared to sleep upstairs.  I would only go upstairs during the day and always took the dog with me.

I never spoke to anyone about what happened, not even my grandmother, as I didn't want to relive what had happened.  I also didn't want  people to think that was crazy.

As I look back at this particular experience, it is still kind of unnerving.  I was in a different place that I wasn't entirely comfortable with yet and I had no point of reference for what had happened.

To this day, it is still one of the experiences from my past that still haunts me but at least I now understand why it may had happened...maybe 

You Never Feel Alone

When you experience something such as what we have, it changes you.  It causes you to question everything you have ever been taught, as well as everything that has ever happened to you in the past.  All the sudden those past events in your life begin to make sense.  You begin to realize that you are never alone.  Once you begin to grasp and accept that concept, your perception of the world around you changes...forever.

The reality of this change really hit me hard when the Reiki was working on getting rid of the crazy woman.  I had never really allowed myself to think about the details or specifics of her situational reality.  All I knew was that I was tired of her and wanted her gone from our lives forever.  It wasn't until we started the "getting rid of the bitch" process that it truly hit me.

She was extremely vocal as the Reiki started her work.  She was very frustrated that the Reiki could only sense and feel her presence but couldn't hear her.  That just added to her anxiety and she started screaming at her.  It was deafening, causing a ringing in my ears.  Once she realized what was going to happen, she began to panic.  As Amy mentioned during our reveal, she wasn't really in the mood to leave and started to fight back.  

I finally caught a glimpse of her world, another dimension I guess is the best way to describe it.  It was as if I had opened up enough for her to share what she was dealing with since she passed.  Her world is a continuous day that is stuck in time, moving but not moving forward.  It was a constant sunset with clouds moving in front of the sun as stays frozen on the horizon.   She had no concept of yesterday, today, or tomorrow.  No days of the week, no month, or even what year (although I felt the strong sense that the year was the year she died.)

The most shocking thing that I learned was that she no concept of time whatsoever.  "Time" was like a foreign word to her that had no translation.  Even though she had a never ending sunset, there was still not time of day associated with it; no hours, no minutes, no seconds   This was difficult for me to comprehend, even as of today I still have difficulties grasping it.   Her world was a continuous loop around her and she could move freely inside it but could never truly escape it.

After all these years of not understanding, I finally accept the fact that there is more out there than what we know or accept.  We are so caught up in what we think is "right" that we fall to look beyond our own thought process.  What we deem as an logically explanation for something does nothing but hinder our spiritual development and understanding.  We become pigeon holed in our conception of reality that we fail to grasp there are so many dimensions out there.

If we could just open ourselves up to the fact that there is something beyond us, I feel that we could all move freely between these dimensions.  Those on the other sides having figured out how to come into ours but we refuse to allow ourselves to believe in theirs.  However, given that we don't truly believe in theirs means that they can only be a mist, orb, voice, or shadow.  Giving us that feeling that we're never alone.

Growing up with Spirits: My Philosophy

Hello again y’all, it’s Heidi. First things first, I wanted to express how grateful I am to all of the wonderful people out there who read my very first entry. It was something I never had an interest in doing, and frankly, it was something I was afraid of. Seeing the support that was given to me made me feel glad that I decided to do something a little out of my comfort zone. So, thank you all.

Now, my first entry was about a scary situation in one of the many paranormal experiences I’ve had. I feel like that’s the sort of thing that draws people in. However, I think it’s important to remember that spirits, or ghosts, or whatever you choose to call them, are not always scary. At least not for me, that is. I’ve grown up with paranormal activity in my daily life, so I could just blame my lack of fear on me getting used to it, but I think it’s mainly because I learned.

I remember getting advice from when we were filming our episode of The Dead Files and also from the reiki master who helped us afterward. The big thing was that you, as a living being, have a body. And with that body, you have power and you are in control if you believe it. If something or someone is bothering you or making you uncomfortable, just tell them to stop calmly. Be polite, because they are still a soul even if they don’t have a body.

Even though the show is over and my house is pretty much back to normal, there are still plenty of times where I have encounters with spirits. I can’t see them or hear them like my dad can, but I seem to be very sensitive to their presence. I can feel them looking over my shoulder or sitting beside me, just like how it feels like when a living person is doing those things. For some, it may send a shiver up their spine, but I welcome them. I treat them as an equal. If they are interested in what I’m doing, I show it to them. I speak to them just as if they were alive. If I feel uncomfortable, I just tell them to stop whatever they happen to be doing because I don’t like it. And 99% of the time, they listen and stop. 

We hear a lot about the bad stories about ghosts, but a lot of things seem to be misunderstood. I think about it this way, I put myself in their shoes. People are typically afraid of dying, even though it’s natural and it’s best to just accept it. Imagine that fear, combined with the confusion of what they do after they’re dead. Imagine being stuck on Earth as a spirit and not knowing what to do or where to go. You’d call out to people for help, or maybe just for company. I feel like showing kindness to the dead could help them calm down, if only just for a minute.

There are many kind spirits, just as there are many kind living people in the world. Treat them just as you would any other person, that’s my personal belief. If you put out negative energy, you might just receive that negative energy back. That’s what I think. That could just be my optimistic side showing, though.

Before I go, I have a favor to ask. Aside from being that kid on the ghost show, I also am a singer/songwriter and I make my own music. I currently have one of my songs released on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, Youtube, and many other music streaming services. I’m also getting an album together, as I write these blogs, to post on those streaming services as well. If you would give my music a listen, it would mean the world to me. You can also follow me on places like Spotify and get updates when my new music is out if you do like it. Here is the link where you can choose where you want to listen if you choose to check it out. Thank you so much for your support, and thank you for reading!

Possession in a Child's Perspective

Hello, viewers of the blog, it’s Heidi. At long last, you get to hear from me if you ever had any interest in what I have to say. I guess I’ll start off by saying that I never wrote anything before because I don’t like looking back on what happened to my family and I. Those are some of the worst years of my life, so naturally, I wouldn’t want to reflect on them or even go back and remember the slightest detail. I mean, some of the stuff possibly caused by our issues with the paranormal is still affecting me today. It was only just recently that I got my medical issues and auto-immune disease under control, and I’m 16 now. So it’s been a bit. But now, I’ve grown somewhat, and I think I can share a bit with you all.

I’m not quite sure where to start, because there was just so much that happened. I also tend to block things off and forget them so I don’t have to deal with them, so there are scary experiences I don’t quite remember. Cause after seeing your dad get possessed multiple times, you’d want to forget it too. Actually, how about I talk about that?

I don’t remember what age I was or anything like that, but I do remember waking up to my little sister, Emi, shaking me and bawling. I could hear my mom yelling at me to wake up, and I was so lost and confused. I walk out of my bedroom to see my dad sitting crisscrossed on my front porch, eyes closed, and mumbling something in a language I’d never heard before. It was the first time I’d ever looked at someone, who I’d seen almost every day of my life, and think, “That’s not him”. It’s an eerie feeling. 

He then reaches out to Emi and says something, trying to grab her. She, of course, screams and starts crying even more because to her, that’s a stranger. I’m still stuck in shock and am not sure what to feel, but I followed what my mom told me. I grabbed Emi and ran outside with her, both of us barefoot and draped in our blankets. We run across our gravel driveway to the neighborhood across from us to reach our neighbors for help. After we’re on the road and running there, the shock wears off and I start bawling just like Emi. Thinking about it now, we must’ve been a sight to the other neighbors. Two young girls wrapped up in their blankets running barefoot in the middle of the street and crying. But when it’s happening to you, and you’re a kid, you’re just trying to reach some normalcy and safety. You don’t really care about what you look like.

We finally made it to the neighbors and we had ended up staying there for a bit. I’m extremely grateful that they were able and willing to help. I remember staying in the guest room, looking out the window, and seeing dozens of police cars and ambulances outside of my house. Everything ran through my head so fast. “Oh my god, what happened? Is Dad ok? Is Mom ok?”, those kinds of thoughts. But you can’t go and check because you’re too scared and it’s too dangerous. I sort of felt helpless.

Moral of the story is, getting possessed, or watching someone get possessed, is terrifying. It’s unpredictable. One minute you’re you, and the next you’re someone your children are terrified of, yet you still look the same. That’s the scary part.

Did you just slap my ass?

Living in a small house with an open bedroom means there is not a lot of privacy, especially for Jennifer and me.  So, when we get a opportunity to get some "quality time" together, we need to take it because we don't know when it will present itself again.  One day in particular we had a chance and we took it.  

Jennifer had just put Emi down for a nap and I was taking a lunch break.  A touch lead to a kiss, which lead to an embrace, which lead to us quietly sneaking into the back bedroom and locking the door for some afternoon delight.

It had been awhile since we had some adult time together so there was a lot excitement and passion.  We were really getting after it and maybe this type of activity creates a lot of energy.   We both could sense something, or somebody, was watching us however we were too caught up in moment to really care.  It had been so long for us so we really didn't care if somebody was watching.  Too each their own, I guess.

I want to say that I recall jokingly saying something along the lines of , "you can watch but you can't join.  Not looking for ghostly threesome."

"This moment is for us, not you", I added.

As our bliss was ending, or ended I cannot recall, the room was weirdly calm.  Of course we both still wanted more but alias it wasn't meet to be.  Hey, it had been awhile, remember?  I was laying on top of Jennifer with her on the bed and me standing on the floor and as I was lifting myself up, it happened.  Out of nowhere someone slapped my ass so hard it sounded like a firecracker had just gone off.  

"Did you just slap my ass?", I asked Jennifer.

"No, I didn't, I swear, but I heard it!", she responded.

Even as I was asking the question, I knew it could not have been her as she still had her arms around me with her hands on shoulders.  I immediately jumped up and looked around the room.

"Oh my God!  You have a huge hand-print on your ass!"  Jennifer said excitedly.

I immediately turned around and looked back into a mirror.  Yep, there was a big red hand-print that nearly covered one of my ass cheeks.   Holly shit, I had just been slapped on the ass by a ghost, I thought to myself!  

Of course Jennifer found this totally hilarious.  

"Maybe, it's telling you to get back on that horse cowboy." ,  she said as she laughed.

Needless to say, I was not too happy with what had just happened and certainly wasn't pleased with the big hand-print on my ass.   It literally took over an hour for it to start fading.   That should tell you how hard I got popped.

Looking back at this experience, I'm still not sure what to make of it.   Was it the energy we created?  Was it a jealous spirit that didn't like me making love to my wife?   Maybe it was spirit that saw an opportunity to have some mischievous fun?   Who knows why it happened and thankfully it never happened again.

In the end my ass healed and we got to enjoy some playtime together, so the pleasure was well worth the pain.   

Sorry folks, no pictures of that hand-print on my ass.

The Chill of an Early Fall

While our experiences were raging on, I always seemed to dread the upcoming Fall season.  Not that anything in particular happened, it just seemed that more happened.  Well, at least it appeared that more happened.  Maybe it was just my heightened senses to the change in seasons.   The leaves were changing, Fall decorations were out, and the morning air was getting crisp.  Everything was going into hiding from the upcoming Winter.  Looking back, I can recall two incidents that still stick out to me which seemed to have some correlation to the change in seasons.

Every Fall, in September, Kearney holds the Jesse James Festival.  It's over the course of 3 weekends and celebrates the western heritage of the town, not necessarily the outlaw it's named after.  I truly feel that celebrating the past, especially ones where violence and lawlessness ran rampant, will create an opening for spirits and other things to walk through.  The more tumultuous the past, the more hostel those who return.  

Sometimes good intentions during one of these types of celebrations can have unexpected consequences.  That's what happened during the Jesse James Festival in the Fall of 2013.  I have a good friend who owned a western leather shoppe and I told him I would help him set up his vendor booth at Jesse James Park the night of the rodeo.   I was excited to help and looked forward to doing so. The day was just like any other day, nothing too special but I was in a great mood; happy and energetic.  I was finally spending some time at home after a long stretch of travel.  The weather was nice and the temperature was a little below normal.  I knew that it would be a beautiful night and I was looking forward to helping my friend and watching the rodeo.    

I was wrapping things up towards the end of the day so I could start getting ready to go.  All of the sudden, without any warning whatsoever,  I immediately felt ill.  I started sweating, had chills, I developed a fever, and felt nauseated.  I had not eaten anything that day which would have caused me to get sick and I hadn't felt even the slightest bit sick either.   As I made my way upstairs, I started to vomit and ran to the bathroom.  I had the drive heaves and my eyes started to water and my vision became blurry.  I felt as if I was going to pass out.   I somehow made it out of the bathroom but only as far as Chloe's room.  I collapsed on her bed, shaking and feeling like I'd been hit by a bus.  Jennifer called my friend and told him I wasn't going to be able to make it.

Just as fast as it started, it was over.  I immediately felt better as soon as Jennifer told me not to worry about going to Jesse James Park.  I feel as if something wanted to keep me home and away from the fairgrounds for some reason.  I now feel that "something" was the crazy lady trying to control me and keep me from other people.  Thankfully, I never had another episode like it again.  However if you're an avid reader of the blog, you that crazy bitch wasn't done with me.

Another incident that happened one year in early October involved my desk.   During the time we were dealing with the revolving door of spirits, I had my office in the basement.   It was a quiet place for me to work.   I would come upstairs to eat, use the bathroom, or grab something to eat throughout the day.  One afternoon, I came upstairs to grab something out of our bedroom.  Jennifer, Londyn, and Londyn's now husband, Jordan were in the kitchen.  I was in the bedroom for no more than a couple of minutes and went back down stairs.   As I got to my office area I stopped dead in my tracks.  There was my desk, turned upside down with everything that was on it positioned the same place as if it were upright.   I was pissed off and stormed back upstairs because I was certain was Jennifer, Londyn, and Jordan playing a prank.

"Are ya'll fucking with me!"  I yelled at them.

They had no clue what I was talking about.  I explained to them about my desk and we all went down stairs to look at it.

"I swear if ya'll fucking with me, I'm going to be so pissed because I don't got time for stupid shit like this!", I said.

They all said they had nothing to do with it and after I calmed down, I realized they would have never had the time to pull it off with such detail.  I finally realized that it was something being mischievous or sending a message that they were in the control.

Maybe the messages being sent from these two experiences was that just like the change of the seasons, they could change my environment too;  reminding me that the chill in the air was not always due to the Fall.

.

Phases

One of the most challenging things about our post-experience was adjusting to our new lives.  Let's face it, when Steve said you look like you've been hit by a Mack Truck during our reveal that was an understatement.

After our reveal, we were reeling.  We were overwhelmed and had no idea of what was going to happen next.  We knew what we needed to do but doing so meant time and energy.  More importantly, the "energy" part.  We were tired and beaten down, it took every ounce of energy just to make it through the day.  If you are a reader of our blog you know that, thankfully, we were able to pull ourselves up by the boot straps and get it done.

Getting back to normal for us was kind of like handling this pandemic we are all facing;  you open back up in phases.  

Phase One:  Get the shit out that was terrorizing us and keep it out

Phase Two:  Recover and get help for what we went through.

Phase Three:  Learn to live with our newly discovered abilities and gain control.

Phase Four:  Fully open.  Help support others who may be experiencing things and have nowhere to turn.

Phases one and two were tough and there were times that I did not think we would make it.  Thankfully with support from many people, including all of The Dead Files fans and blog readers, we were able to to it.  Do we have relapses?  Sure, every now and then things get a little weird but we push through it.

Phases Three and Four are not as challenging but do have their own sets of nuances that make handling them unique.  I want to focus on Phase Three because I think everyone is fully aware of our mission to help others.

Phase Three is a continuing and ongoing process.   You have to trust your own abilities and respect the abilities of others.  Trusting your own abilities means opening yourself up to what is beyond the scope of your own consciousness.  However before you do that, you damn sure better learn how to control what is beyond your own environment.  That is the tricky part.  

Some people think that if you want to know what the party is like, you have to be a participate. They think you have to join the crowd and be a part of the festivities to get a true grasp of what it's all about.  However that can come with consequences.  You do not know if those at the party are truly who they say they are and whether or not they are there to do harm.  God forbid if one of them follows you home.  

Through trial and error, I've learned the opposite.  You can open the door and stand in the doorway and watch.  If you don't like what you see or get even the smallest sense that something is not right, you close the door and leave.  However not before telling everyone that you are not to be followed.

Dealing with your abilities means you will be invited to a lot of "after parties" for the souls who have passed.  Learn to trust your abilities. Once you set foot inside, you need to have a heightened sense of awareness. Protecting yourself is your highest priority despite your thirst of the unknown.  My motto is, "when in doubt, get the hell out."   You can control everything if you learn how to control yourself.  Cleanse and protect yourself, as well as your home.   Be diligent about it too.  Just because things seem calm does not mean something is not lurking in the shadows waiting to get inside. Trust your abilities.

Trusting your abilities means you must respect the abilities of others.  If someone says they sense, feel, see or tell you something is happening, take it face value and act accordingly.  If you question what you are hearing, you may under-react or not react at all.  For us, if one of us senses anything we react immediately, no questions asked.

Like I said earlier,  all of this is still new to us and we are continuity learning.  Never doubt yourself or those near to you.  If you do, you'll be amazed at the wonders you will see.  Everything your experience will teach you how to react in the future.

Not Everything was Scary

People are always quick to assume that when you are dealing with the paranormal, it is always going to be something scary.  In most cases, at least from the ones that I have heard about, that is true and our experience certainly had it's horrific moments that caused a lot of stress, fear, and anxiety.  However, that wasn't always the case.  Throughout our haunting, there were moments when some things were just comical.  Not sure who or what it was that decided practical jokes were a good way to get our attention but at least it was a break from the horrifying things.

"Where did my underwear go?"

So, this is something that didn't make the show.  It was just too funny and our producer busted out laughing when we told him the story.  It just didn't fit the theme and the flow of the show so it ended up on the cutting room floor.

One evening, I can't remember exactly when, I was folding laundry in the open bedroom.  I had just finished folding and putting away my underwear and I left to put some clothes away in another room. When I came back, the drawer where my underwear was was pulled completely out of the dresser and my underwear was piled back on the bed.   Needless to say I was not pleased.

Even though I was mad, I didn't make a big deal about what happened.  I put the drawer back inside the dresser, folded my underwear again, and put them away.  I then left the room to get more laundry.  When I came back, the drawer was open and my underwear were laid neatly on the bed, thankfully, still folded.

At this point, I was frustrated and said, "That's enough! Stop it!" as I put them back into the drawer; again.

When I came back into the room later in the evening.   The drawer was still closed and nothing was on the bed.  I thought to myself that I finally got through to whomever it was.  I thought everything was cool and we had reached an understanding that my underwear was off limits.

Well, I guess whomever it was decided that my underwear was just too tempting.  When I went to get a pair out of the drawer there were none to be found.  I looked in each drawer, under and around the bed, and even under the mattress.  Gone, they were all gone.  I only had the pair I was wearing, that was it.

A day with by and another and another.  No underwear to be found and going commando was not an option.  I was forced to begrudgingly buy new underwear.

I was frustrated that I was forced to by new ones but I slowly got over it until few days later, Emi comes into the house giggling,  "Dad, all your underwear is in the back of your truck."

I head out to the garage and sure enough, there's all my underwear throw into the bed of my truck.  As I was getting them out to wash them again, because, hey, you don't know where they've been, I heard a child softly laughing.

"yea, you got me.  that was a good one, you're very funny", I said as I walked out of the garage.

So, if you ever faced with a mischievous spirit of a child, let them have them fun but guard your underwear!

Telling Signs of What Was to Come

When we look back at our lives and the events that shape them, there were usually signs along the way that warned us about what was to come.  I now realize certain things happened during my life which were indicators that something big was going to happen. 

The problem was I ignored them.  Talking about anything paranormal wasn't as widely accepted back then as it is today.   I didn't want people to think I was crazy or making things up to get attention.  So, I just held it inside and never really spoke about it.

Being raised by a military father meant that things in my world were black and white with very little grey areas.  My father did not accept excuses and had zero tolerance for bullshit.   Sharing anything remotely paranormal would have been totally unacceptable to him and nothing but an excuse for why I did or didn't do something.  Consequently, I kept my mouth shut and never mentioned any experiences whatsoever.   In hindsight, that was the wrong thing to do.

As I look back at my life, I can single out 3 experiences which I should have take much more seriously.

Number One-The Voice

My first paranormal experience happened when I was very young; around 6 or 7 years old.   We were living in Fort Worth, TX while my father was stationed at Carswell AFB.   I had a strict early bedtime and would usually just lay awake in my bed until I finally drifted off to sleep.  This particular evening was no different.   That night, my parents had some friends over to play cards.  I could hear them all talking as music played in the background.  I was focused on their voices because I found comfort in knowing that they we're near.  

As I lay there awake, my bedroom door slowly closed.  I didn't really think much of it because I thought my mom did it because they were being loud.   I continued to hear all four of them talking in at the kitchen table, the shuffling of cards and loud laughter.  I could make out each one of their voices.   

I heard my closet door open and then close.  Then it opened and closed again. I sat up but saw nothing.  It was a small room so I would have noticed if anyone was walking around.   I was clearly the only one in the room.   I could still hear the voices of my parents and their friends.  I was terrified.  I knew something was in there with me.  I could feel the tingle up my spine and I was shaking.  I jumped up on my bed and yelled for my parents but they didn't hear me.  I yelled louder but still nothing.  I yelled as loud as I could but I only heard talking and laughter.

As I was about to yell for them again, a voice interrupted me.  

"Shut up and lay down!", a deep male voice said.

I was frozen and speechless as I looked down in the direction of the voice.  No one there...no one.  I frantically looked around but I was the only one in the room. 

Terrified, I compiled and laid down my eyes still fixed on the bedroom door as I continue to hear the my parents and their friends in the kitchen.

I never mentioned what happened to my parents or anyone else.

Number Two-The Smile

When I was a freshman in high school, a friend and I accepted an odd job from one our neighbors.  The job was truly an "odd" but one I found very interesting because of my love for history.  It was cleaning up old abandoned cemeteries in and around rural areas just Northwest of Austin, TX.

The area was littered with small family and church cemeteries that were forgotten and neglected. Most of them dated back to late 1800's and early 1900's.

I remember the first one we went to.  It was full of brush and was overgrown with small trees.  You couldn't even tell it was a cemetery.  As we began to clear the landscape, the graves became visible.  I was fascinated by reading the headstones as most were dated form the 1800's.  My mind began to wonder who they were, what were like and how they died.  I found coins on top of the headstones and I wondered who put them there.  I picked one up, I was overcome with grief and sorrow.  It was as if I was at their funeral feeling the pain of their loved ones.

One man's grave in particular caught my attention. The grave had sunken in and the lowering device was still outlining the grave.  The hand cranks were still inserted on it but the belts used to support the casket were long gone. It was as if they never finished the burial.  To this day, I remember the dates on headstone; 1801-1869. As I recall, he was last one to be buried at this cemetery.  He lived a full life and saw so many things.   My imagination began to run wild.   Was he here during the Texas War of Independence?  Did he serve during that?  What brought him to Texas and what did he do here?  I stood there mesmerized.

Soon I was overcome with sadness  I felt that something must had happen for them not to finish the burial.  My sadness turned to determination to finish what should have been done over a 100 years ago.  I moved the lowering device and grabbed a shovel.  I started to fill up his grave with the dirt we had brought for planting some bushes. I found a rock that made perfect foot-stone and cleaned the headstone.   I stood at the base of the grave and said a prayer.  I then bent down and placed some wild flowers I had found next to the headstone.  As I stood back up, there he was, standing there.  I could see him clear as day.  He was dressed in a black suit with a ribbon bow tie.

I wasn't scared at all, as a matter of fact I felt an overwhelming rush of calmness.  We looked at each other and he smiled.  I remember feeling at peace as he turned and disappeared.

Although it was a very surreal experience, I felt a sense of satisfactory from it. I never spoke to anyone about it and never shared the experience until now.

Number Three-The Call

When I was in 8th grade I lost my uncle to a car accident.  It was devastating because I loved him very much.   To this day, I think of him often.  He will quickly cross my mind literally out of nowhere.  No rhyme or reason to it.

I recall a time when I was 25 or 26 years old and living alone.  I was watching TV and the phone rang.  When I answered there was only static so I hung up.  I didn't think much of it.  I figured they'd call back.   I went back to watching TV and the phone rang again, this time was a high pitch static and the person on the other end said "Hello?".  However, before I could answer them, the call disconnected. I thought maybe it was one of friends calling and they had a bad connection.

After awhile, I forgot all about it and was getting ready for bed when the phone rang again.   Once again, nothing but static but this time not quite as bad.  I said "Hello" a couple of times but nothing.  Just as I was about to hang up the person on the other end answered.

"Lance?  This is your Uncle Jerry.  Tell your mom I'm alright."

The call then disconnected.  My heart sank over what I had just heard.  The voice on the other end did sound like him but how could that be?

I immediately did a *69 but got a recording saying the number I just dialed was no longer in service.

Shell-shocked about what just happened I quickly called my mother.   I first said that what I was about to tell her was going to be unbelievable but it truly happened.  Surprisingly she was very open and non-judgmental about it.

I remember her telling me that she thought of him often but recently had been thinking of more than usually.

I guess sometimes the need to comfort the ones you love knows no barriers.

As I look back at these 3 experiences, I wish I would had accepted the fact that things were not always black and white.  There are truly grey areas and you need to pay attention to those.   I feel if I would have been more open after those experiences, my family wouldn't have suffered as they did.   I think  we should all be more open to the belief that there are things out there and if you don't pay attention or respect them, we may pay the price.

So, with this all being said, I continue to encourage anyone who is suffering through something to get help as soon as you can.   If you are experiencing things that you just can't explain or try to dismiss as nothing, accept and learn from them.  If you don't there's no telling what may happen.

Ghost or Spirits or things that go bump in the night

We're often asked do we believe in "Ghost" now.  The short answer is yes, especially after our experiences.  However, it's not that easy of an answer.   We don't necessarily believe in word "Ghost" as a descriptive word for what we've experienced.  Granted, the description of our blog contradicts that statement as it's "...our ghost story.."  We use that because it's something others use and it's more identifiable to people.

So, if we don't believe in "Ghost" as a defining word then what exactly do we believe they are?  I think our descriptive terms go much deeper.

Our experiences lead to a more spiritual way of thinking as well as the concepts of what we believe haunted us.  "Ghost" was just too much of a general term to define things for us.  We knew we were dealing with something much deeper; spiritually as well as it's existence.

If they were here, then what exactly are they?  First, I want to say that we are not paranormal investigators so anything we say probably should be taken with a grain of salt when we answer this question.  There are many more people who have dedicated their lives to research this subject.  For us, it's just how we define it; nothing more.

After our experiences, our whole thought process changed.  We believe that although the people here had died in this world, they may not have died in others.  Maybe they left us and just moved to another dimension and, in the process of doing so, left a little bit of themselves behind here for us to see.  That part of themselves they left behind is not their ghost but something tangible of themselves.  Maybe it's a memory of what they experienced in our dimension that subconsciously they left behind because they no longer needed it or wanted it.   The more they left, the stronger it was.  We think they left their bad baggage behind and that's why we had the issues we had.   That bad baggage is constantly trying to reconnect with things it knows and hopefully reunite with remaining part so it can become whole again.   Maybe it even could pull back the part that left, trapping them in a state limbo between the dimensions.

It's a section of their soul and being.  It's that part of the soul that's lost or discarded.  Left behind intentionally or by accident maybe to deal with unfinished business or just no longer wanted.

To us they are not ghost but a fragmented section of  lost souls.

Not ghost...Misplaced and Discarded Peelings of Souls.  Left behind as a snake would leave it's shredded skin.

Question From A Reader: "You said they did a good job at telling your story in a 45 minutes show, what parts didn't make the cut?"

"You said they did a good job at telling your story in a 45 minutes show, what parts didn't make the cut?"

They shot over 80 hours of footage and some things just didn't make the cut or just didn't flow with the story.  In the end, I think it was a very good "Cliff Notes" version of what happened to us.  I remember when we were talking to our producer and he had an outline of how he thought the show would flow.  We knew that trying to cram everything that happened into our episode would be impossible but his outline was pretty much spot on.

After our episode aired, we got a ton of questions.  Everyone wanted to know what else happened and the "behind the scenes" part of the story.  We did our best to answer each and every question but it become very difficult to keep up with each and everyone.  A friend suggested we write a book.  That was a great idea however there was one problem with that; who would write it and how would it get published?  He then suggested a blog. I did some research and decided that was a more realistic option.  Hence, this blog was born.

There were a lot of things that didn't make the show.  So much so that it would be impossible to mention.  I can tell you that nearly everything that did not make it is answered here in our blog.  Since it's been so long since the filming,  I truly cannot remember everything we talked about.  Also, Jennifer and I were not involved with any of the other interviews.

One thing I am disappointed about was that Steve was portrayed as being skeptical and condescending in our episode.  Granted, he asked some tough questions but none of his other side was shown.  He was very caring when speaking with our girls.  He treated us with respect and many times during filming had casual conversations with us about our ranch and our lives.  The thing that I will always remember is how he treated us when Jennifer had her breakdown during the reveal.  He was so compassionate and caring.  The fact that none of this made the episode made it appear that he was being rude to us.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

Anyway, below are some videos of portions interviews that did not air in our episode.

That's A Wrap

It has been a while since the last blog "Showtime" so I thought I would take advantage of the time off I have to write another entry.

When I first started the blog, it was our story from the beginning to where we are now.  Every story has a beginning and an end.  This is the end of our story.  Reliving everything that happened to us was a mixed bag of emotions.  We cried and laughed.  We became angry at what the Crazy lady had done to us as well as the paranormal team that put us in more danger.  Telling our story wasn't easy but our goal was, and still is, that it may have helped someone who is experiencing similar things.  In sharing our story, our hopes were that it would encourage those who were living a nightmare to come forward and get help.  Our unofficial tag line became; "No one should suffer in silence for fear of being judged or ridiculed."

The blog has been wildly successful.  It has gotten over 500,000 reads, around a 1,000 followers, 220 blog comments and around 800 email questions.  It was shared over 2,000 times.  It has been named a Top 50 Paranormal Blog 2 years in a row.  It still gets 200 hits on average per day. All I can say is...WOW!  Thank you to every one who has read, shared, and commented.  We cannot thank you enough for your understanding and support.

We cannot thank the Dead Files and Painless Productions enough for agreeing to air our story.  Also, the help of Amy and Steve was beyond measure.  We often think of where would be if they had not stepped in to help.

To answer the question of "where we are now", it is a peaceful place full of love and positive energy.  It does take work to keep it this way, but we are diligent in our actions.  Learning how to control our environment is the key and continually educating ourselves on our abilities is an endless journey.  We still have activity but it is nothing on the scale of what we experienced in the past.  As I mentioned, we have learned how to control our environment.

The whole experience has made me realize that there is more out there than what we can comprehend.  For us as human beings to think we are the end all and that there is nothing beyond us, is arrogant.  Imagine what we could learn if we would all just be open to the possibility of another world or dimension.

As for the blog, we plan to keep it up and running.  The mission has not changed.  We will continue to share our story in the hopes of helping others come forward and get help.

I will still post entries of things we experience should they become relevant.  I will also provide updates on how our girls are doing.  We will continue to answers questions.  So, don't be shy

We will start posting experiences from our past (childhood & young adult experiences, etc). Everything happens for reason and those experiences may provide clues of what was to come later in our lives.

Thank you all for the continued support.  Without that love and positive energy, our journey towards recovery would have taken much longer.

That's a wrap...for now.